Post no 7

I wrote the post below on Tuesday night, but wasn't able to upload because the internet gets switched off Weds.... Last night I added a very upbeat, newsy post about my glorious morning walks in descriptive language to paint you a picture.... Then somehow??? I lost the lot.... All those words in cyber space.... Not a happy bunny... Fortunately, I had a copy of Tuesday nights post so you will have to make do with that for now.... I bet you glad of the break from the waffle....LoL

I was feeling quite homesick yesterday. An unexpected bonus of my trip is the appreciation of my family, my home and my friends. I realise I am so blessed, many people here live a transient existence travelling from one country to another, and they not all youngsters. They are searching for the elusive something to make their lives complete. They don't have what I already have and like Santiago in The Alchemist I had to leave home to realise that! The grass isn't always greener it's simply different.... Being away gets things in perspective and I am glad to discover that I am on the right road... I still have no idea what's in store for me or what career path I will choose when I return home but I have faith that all will be revealed to me in good time.... All is well, I am exactly where I should be and everything is perfect......

Lovely to hear your messages and news.

Love, light and laughter (more dancing today!!!)
Anne x


Tuesday 14th Oct
Many people here had booked on a weekend retreat with an outside Teacher at the weekend. Shavasti (originally from England, so not his given name) published author (his 6th book is out in March, he informed us) was to lead a 2 day workshop awakening the heart. As so many were enthusiastic about it I thought I'd go along..... A very big (in every sense if the word) interesting character he told us a little of his life story and road to enlightenment. We had to then briefly share a little about ourselves and why we're were both a NLF and his workshop. I sensed a little bristle when I mentioned that I had done a similar 4 day workshop earlier in the year which helped me to feel better about being heart centred, rather than making decisions with my head which I'd always thought was the sensible thing to do!

Some of the exercises were a bit intense, they are called family constellations, working with individuals and their issues. This was nicely interjected with dancing around the room to throw off all the heaviness...

Now here comes the but.... Did u sense one was coming? Late in the afternoon he worked with a woman who had a similar background, age etc to me. Some of the things he said I completely disagreed with, they went against my beliefs and I was angry that this "guru" was so arrogant to state that his way was right and everyone else wrong. Oh boy did that push my buttons!

That was the last exercise of the day, I went to my room straight after seething , so much so I missed dinner and the bonfire which I'd looked forward to. I sat and wrote a very long statement to read out the following morning... One of his rules is that nothing about the workshop is to be discussed outside of the space, when he finished for the day, we were not to approach him to ask any questions, all that was to be done within the group....

So Sunday morning, we made our way the the forest awakening hall, sat in the circle and had to "check in".. My heart was beating super fast as it came around to my turn, as the person next to me spoke I decided not to read out my statement, that would have been very self indulgent and unfair on the other people present who all thought he was great.... So I said, "I'm here to check in to check out, I don't agree with what you said, I am not fearful it's simply not for me so I will leave now" and I did I walked out!

I doubt anyone ever has on him! Later that day I went to the hospital to get my eye sorted. I could have easily given that as an excuse but I felt it was important that I spoke my truth.... I felt elated although I'd been angry and hurt before, I was proud that I had the courage to be honest and stick up for myself!

On reflection I am glad I did it even though I feel there has been a little backlash, but that's okay. He is returning next weekend to carry on with the work. A couple of people have asked if I will go back but I declined, today I shared with the life coach the letter I'd written, she was present at the workshop and a big advocate of Shavasti... Her thought is that I'm scared of facing up to things, unable to accept that my own beliefs are as valid as his and their teachings... In the end I said we had to agree to disagree.

I do not want this one negative experience to spoil everything else or to define my stay. I am proud that I know my own mind enough not to be drawn in or impressed by the hype! It's all very interesting and a timely reminder that the "spiritual" world is as full of ego as everywhere else in life.... Finally, and I think this speaks volumes, when he comes back next week he won't stay at the foundation because the accommodation is not up to the standard he is use to! Case closed me thinks!!!

On a lighter note, one so the activities was singing meditation today. I love to sing and the words to the simple songs are non-religious and remind me of nursery rhymes.... Eg. "Happiness is here and now, I have dropped my worries, nowhere to go, nothing to do, no longer in a hurry...."

Mick one of the guys helping me with my goal to be more childlike, took my hand today and skipped me around the grounds.... I had an ice cream at Mamas with Mark a fellow Brit and also not a fan of Shavasti, he was wise enough not to go on workshop in first place, so I have someone to bitch about it too, not v spiritual I know! Lol!

Then today my v first tuk-tuk ride! What an experience! Inside it had disco lights! While in town I bought some hair conditioning treatment coz it's like straw with heat and humidity, v attractive! I went into Boots with all the familiar brands and they asked for my loyalty card!! I'd left it at home so missed out on my points!

Well that's me for another night. Hope it's not too Victoria Meldrew like!!! Can't believe it's day 9 already....

X