Weds 13th Nov

I’ve been googling jetlag; it would probably have been a better idea to do so before I started out on my return journey home. That would have been the sensible thing to do and would have required planning. If these posts have illustrated anything, then it’s clear that is not generally what I do, its not one of my strengths!  According to Google I did everything wrong, especially during the 8+ hours wait for connecting flight at Bangkok Airport. So I guess it isn’t any wonder than I am struggling with insomnia now despite being very tired. I’ve been wide awake since 4am, my bod, still on Asia time feels like it’s 11am...

Back to the Mekong.... Day 2. I smiled to myself as we all (me included) returned to the seats/positions we had occupied the previous day on the boat. Humans generally are creatures of habit! Mr Komsi the lovely guide, advised that it would be a longer day on the river. Concerned about being bored, I had plenty to read, I thought that I would also do some writing. When it came to it I did very little of anything much. While the view was very samey, murky brown water, steep hills/cliffs both sides rising high into fluffy clouds, structures precariously clinging onto the vertical banks, the Magical Mekong put a spell on me which left me in quite a meditative state, it was calming and very much of the moment... Not at all boring....

The sun was bright and hot but the cooling breeze as we sailed along kept the temperature comfortable and pleasant, the boat was mainly covered so we were sheltered from its harsh rays. A section was open to the elements and I did spend a little time away from ‘my table’ enjoying a big helping of Vitamin D. The gentle rocking of the boat, lapping of water against the side and the whirr of the engine was relaxing. I played the soundtrack from the movie Out of Africa on my headphones, and although not in the same continent as Africa, the music (one of my favourites, a view shared I know with Jayne and Carol) provided a perfect accompaniment to this part of my journey. The classical feel of the music always successfully conjures up pictures of magnificent landscapes brightly lit by a golden sun high in the sky.... That music has the power to transport me far away when stuck on the M25 on a grey wet gloomy afternoon.... But no need to be transported anywhere while I was seated on that boat, that image now captured forever in my head; there are no words or camera clever enough to convey that feeling..... Its mine forever stored in my cellular memory bank.

The notion of a feeling, rather than descriptions and details, the names of places together with dates times etc are not my primary interest. That was never the driving force behind this blog.... Goodness knows there are plenty of travel guides/manuals online for research and planning purposes. Why would I ever try to replicate any of that information?  If dear reader, you had hoped to gain some insider knowledge of that sort here then I have surely disappointed you....

During my time at NLF one of the afternoon workshops was around communication. We each worked with a partner and took it in turns to talk for 5 minutes about our most memorable holiday, the other person then shared back what they had learnt. Essentially an exercise in active listening, something we don’t always engage in. Most of us listen while formulating our own response rather than truly hearing what is being said.... (Tangent alert, LOL!) My partner for the exercise was Peter, a guy in his late 50s from California, who has extensively travelled the world for both work and pleasure. He talked about Hawaii, lots of details which were clearly important to him.... Our remit was to listen not question, as he spoke I frantically tried to retain said details.... I didn’t do too badly and he said I remembered most of what he shared. When it was my turn my thoughts went straight to my short break in Dublin a few short weeks before. Devoid of  many ‘details’ I talked about how the trip made me feel, walking around the City, the music, the people, the freedom my motivation for travelling there in the first place. I told a story, I didn’t give a travel report.... Peter had clearly listened, he retold my tale well. When the group came together,  we fed back how the exercise had been and what we had learned from it. I shared the different way that Peter and I had engaged in the activity. Wondering whether it was a Left Brain/Right Brain, Logical/Creative, Feminine/Masculine approach? An interesting debate then ensured with no conclusion other than, thankfully we are all different and have our own way of approaching tasks and life!

I find the memories and information I choose to retain (rather than have to remember) are nearly always connected to the feeling they conjure up within me. Chatting to a friend recently she talked about information she had learned on a dementia awareness course. Her elderly Mother is experiencing difficulties and my friend finds it understandably frustrating and upsetting at times when having spent a ‘nice day’ together,  maybe  a trip to the seaside, lunch out etc her Mum almost immediately ‘forgets’ all about it... My friends ‘efforts’ wasted?  The trainer explained that while a person with dementia may forget the details, they won’t forget the way the experience made them feel....They may not recall exactly why they feel happy and content, the loss of memory doesn’t take away the feelings they are left with... My friend has found that helpful and continues to make the ‘effort’ for her Mum ensuring she helps to cultivate good feelings for her. So what if she doesn’t remember the walk around the garden centre and the cream tea after? My friend remembers the precious time shared and how it made her mum feel and that must be priceless.

Oh my, a huge tangent there! Lol! No I don’t think I have early onset dementia! I have found the information about retaining feelings to be interesting and it has helped me to make sense of the way I see and experience the world.... I am finally, through the wisdom gained from 50 odd years on this planet, being gentle with myself for not having a head full of facts and figures. Apparently emotional intelligence (Ha Ha, if an illustration of me was ever needed; it was my reliance on spell check to even spell the word intelligence!)  Is as important, if not more so as Theoretical/Book type learning! I’m sure I read that somewhere in some self help guide (or on a Facebook Post!)

Well the sun is up in Colchester, I’ve not taken you far along the Mekong River, rather a short but complex journey to my heart... I will return to this, obviously you know I made it back to UK and my next post, written again I’m sure when sleep seems elusive, I’ll share some more of the next stage of my adventure....

I’m going to pop on my trainers and hit the Colchester pavements, before tackling the pile of washing waiting to be unpacked! Have a good day x

Tuesday 11th November.
Bangkok Airport

So after my outpouring of the rotten time I had after leaving NLF I concentrated on immersing myself in the next part of my journey. My Facebook contacts will have seen the pics and the many posts I added so I won't go into too much detail again, besides if I'd been logical I'd of made some notes to refer to but I've done no such thing and the past few days have passed in a blur...

So to start where I left off, staying at the Nakaraj Princess Hotel, nestled in the cliff above the Laos border all gold gaudy and v over the top... After a long shower and a rest. I went in search of dinner, the hotels dining room was empty. A nice guy, who I later learnt was from Korea, had spent 7 years in London, had met his wife there and had their first child there. He was happy to chat and when I asked for him to recommend a local dish he asked his colleagues to give me guidance. He also offered a bottle of wine, on the house! A notorious drinking light weight, I had a couple of small glasses that I enjoyed, but as well as the booze, I'd just started on anti-malaria pills along with my other meds so didn't think it was wise to get too tipsy, however tempting if felt and justified after such a rotten day!

I felt a little awkward in the deserted room, conscious of the staff watching eager to fill my glass, take away my plate.... Country and western music was playing in the background didn't really match the ambiance of the experience! I tried some of the suggested dishes which were tasty but I didn't really make much of a dent in the platters of food. You know when u feel uncomfortable in case they think u don't like it! What I really fancied was a bowl of ice cream to finish the meal off.... They looked blank when I asked about desert, my nice Korean man had gone so I couldn't get him to translate. What about some fruit I asked, mango, melon, banana? Oh breakfast was the reply! I ended up with an iced coffee, they asked if I wanted to take the rest of the wine back to my room, best not I tried to explain, it was red wine, I would like to finish tomorrow night please.... I walked around the grounds and sat by the beautiful pond which had fountains which were all lit up, it was v pretty and felt such a long way from New Life...

I'd hoped to watch some TV back in my room, but of all the 40+ channels none were in English... So I read, have done lots while I've been away and made a plan for an early start in the morning....

Breakfast was rubbish I got to the (deserted again) dining room around 8.30am expecting to see a large buffet of fruits, pastries etc...I had to go and find someone and asked if I was in the right place for breakfast, yes she replied and pointed to a table. Within a minute she bought a sweet coffee, a glass of milk, a bottle of water and a cold plate with 2 congealed fried eggs, streaky bacon, salad and a slice of toast.... Breakfast she said with relish... It looked v unappetising... After taking a sip of coffee I asked for another, but no sugar and some fruit? She shook her head apologetically, stood for a while and left... I drank the coffee, ate the slice of toast, then left....

Oh dear, that didn't go so well.... I went for a walk after breakfast, in daylight it was clear that the Hotel really was quite alone in the middle of no where.... There was a complementary bus that would take guests into town... I'm decided I'd have a rest then find out about the bus.... I did some research about the local town online, it's on the Mekong and is mostly a place whereas u board the boats, not much there, but there wasn't much at the hotel either so I thought I would check it out.....

It was further away than I'd realised, I thought that I'd possibly walk back when I'd finished looking around, but that was before I realised the distance involved!

The "Town" full of rustic charm? Dusty dirty and pretty deserted for the 'main town' the transfer from hotel had taken 20 plus minutes so I'd expected something more although I've no idea what? When reception asked where I wanted to go I'd asked to look around the town. Having walked up and down twice, walking slowly to avoid huge holes in sidewalks then down to the river I decided to have some lunch as breakfast had been a disappointment. I was now quite peckish. I stopped at a cafe that claimed to have restaurant in garden which I thought would make a pretty change from the street, I followed the sign which had an arrow pointing to promised location to be told, 'no garden, sit here' so I shared road side space with parked motorbikes and blackboard menu over promising to lure the tourist in.... I ordered ice coffee to be greeted with a blank stare, showed my confused waitress the item on the menu saying I wanted it cold, she then showed me a tin of Liptons iced tea!

Eventually got the requested beverage, it was refreshing and not too sweet, they love sugar and condensed milk, leaving a nasty coating on your teeth and the potential to strip the enamel! This glass tasted good though and gave me confidence to order some food... So as I was in Hauy Xai I ordered Pizza! Ha ha, chicken and cheese, freshly made, not out of freezer cabinet v thin crispy base tasty chicken breast with lots of herbs. It made a welcome change after a month of brown rice and veggies! As the only customer I felt I'd inconvenienced the family, all sitting on the floor chatting and relaxing at the back of cafe when I asked for a second iced coffee!

Watching the world go by, or rather dozens of scooters and bicycles, 2 sometimes 3 people precariously balanced, not a crash helmet in sight but a lot of ladies riding while holding an umbrella and chatting on their mobile... From babes in arms to very ancient grannies and grandpas... Lots of Arsenal and Manchester United football shirts, seeming very out of place! All the buildings/shops share a similar look of haphazard chaos. It was difficult to decide if they were falling down or in the process of being built/renovated! Fading vinyl signs advertising beer, slow boat and bus tickets and makeup.

The hotel had loaned me a mobile phone to call when I wanted to return, I pressed redial for the hotel's number and it just rang, I wasn't that surprised as the reception always seemed deserted, I dialled again to hear a pre-recorded message saying that my call was unable to be connected, several times I tried but no success.... I started to panic, I checked my bag for the hotels details, I'd forgotten to bring them with me, so I was stuck in "town" the sun was beating down and a sense of dread filled me.... I had my passport, credit cards and cash. I reasoned that with those things, even if I was stranded I would be ok. I also had my iPad, I needed wifi then I could retrieve the confirmation email, logic and a reminder to myself to breathe was helpful at allaying my fears.

I tried the phone once again, expecting to hear the same recorded message when a human being answered! Joy..... A frustrating conversation ensued as I tried to explain I was where the driver had dropped me off.... "Please come and get me, I need to get back to the hotel" I pleaded blinking back tears. The phone clicked and they were gone, I had to pray that they understood.... I found some shade and sat on a step in front of a guest house opposite the pick up point and practiced Mindfulness alternating with a huge dollop of self recrimination, chastising myself for once again being so bloody stupid unprepared and "blond".... I was so very happy when I saw the silver minivan come into view after waiting for 40 minutes, relieved doesn't come close!

As the minivan made it's way back to hotel, following the Mekong, the scenery was like none I'd ever seen, I had to look twice as we past a large school, with children playing on the sports field which they shared with a couple of skinny cows! It's a place where anything goes, it's quaintly chaotic but clearly doesn't sit well with my need for some kind of predictable order! I'm obviously far more anal than I ever thought I was!
After a filling lunch I thought I'd give dinner a miss that night, by around 5pm thought I fancied a nice coffee and perhaps a cake? Once again the restaurant was empty, I sat on the terrace wanting to catch the last of the days sunshine.. I was beckoned inside where it was cooler, no I want to stay here thank you, I asked for a coffee and cake which was met with blank stares, eventually I googled an image of a cake on IPad and showed all three of the staff.... Out came a coffee, a small plate with a pastry folk and a plate of rich tea and Oreo cookies! Have u any ice cream I asked? Clearly not! Oh well, laughter was the only response that and a feeling that the Universe was clearly stopping me from eating empty (but delicious) calories!

The guy from the river cruise was due to collect me from hotel at 9am the following morning so (for a change) I had an early night! The silence was deafening! Lol! I got to breakfast earlier and just had toast, I knew not to expect much this time so wasn't disappointed. I checked out the room, settled my bill with 10 mins before my ride was due... I'd explained to the receptionist and she seemed to understand. I guy appeared with a clipboard and my luggage was loaded into a car. I had to pay the guide for the cruise and I had the cash ready, we started down the hill and I had a nagging feeling..., Stop I called out to the driver.... We go on the Mekong, you take the money? He didn't have a clue..., No you must turn around I said, quite assertively (I thought) poor guy looked very confused but he reversed back up the hill, I got out and found the manager he had a slightly better understanding of English.... It turned out that the "driver" worked for the hotel, they were helpfully going to take me to the river.... Out of the boot came my luggage of and I waited in reception for the "proper" guide Mr Komsi to arrive, with my details on his sheet.... That was a very near miss!!

We made several stops along the way, picking up from different guesthouses then we met the rest of the passengers at the riverside. A total of 24 plus the staff. The boat was delightful, clean, comfortable and certainly was the better way to travel than some of the reports I'd read about other peoples experiences of "slow boats" cruises. It had cost a bit more, but for 2 days I didn't have to worry Bout anything...

My fellow passengers weren't v friendly, none was interested in engaging in conversation with me, once again I was the only one travelling alone... But the view was breathtaking, it was very comfortable not at all choppy, they served a nice traditional lunch cooked by the "family" who had living quarters on board, the family included a sweet little girl, probably a year old, the whole time I didn't hear her cry once....

I was looking forward to stopping to visit a school the cruise company support through donations from every ticket sold. We were asked if we would like to  gift the school, books, pencils etc, but of course we didn't have any so the guide said not to worry. I asked if I could make a donation of money, I'd read about the work and for these youngsters education really is the only way to make improvements to their chances for the future. I gave £10 which is nothing really but he said it was very generous as he made out a receipt. ( it seemed that no one else did, which is thought was bad, especially when we were going to be face to face with the kids) The boat stopped and we started our way up the unmade cliff, it was steep, very sandy, grateful not to be wearing flip flops, I was worried that I was holding people up so I lagged behind, about 3/4 of the way, the "path" dipped then went into another very steep slippery incline, it was hot, humid, I was out of breath then I was struggling to catch my breath, I reached for my inhaler which I'd foolishly left on the boat.... I was desperate to reach the top, to see the kids and the school, but I was worried that if I took another step up, I'd put my health in danger, it could be miles from "civilisation" and what a bother it would be for everyone on the boat..

Somehow, I got back to the boat by which time I was struggling a lot, I  felt foolish and poorly in equal measures. The lovely family bought me a cool towel, some water and gave me some space as I waited for the inhaler to kick in, thankfully the other people didn't return for about half an hour, by which time, I'd regained my composure and had a little sleep.... I was sorry to of missed seeing the school.

After 6 hours on the river we arrived at our overnight stop. My room was like something out of a Tarzan movie.... All bamboo, reeds, high on stilts in the trees.  The view out across the river was amazing. It got dark v quickly so I had an early dinner, then tucked myself under the huge net to keep out the insects and read.... We had to be back on the boat by 7.30am the following morning for a long days cruise....

Continued.....

First day after New Life

After a delightful leisurely breakfast of fruit, yogurt and muesli in the sunny garden I asked for someone to call a tuk tuk to take me to the station to catch the bus to Chiang Khong. She insisted I didn't need one because it was a short walk away, I had to insist I did need one because of my heavy luggage. Not for the first time did I regret bringing so much stuff with me! She kindly negotiated the price with the driver before I stepped aboard, it was a short drive and In daylight a familiar route not at all scary as it had seemed the night before! The driver took me direct to the bus, spoke to the driver and had loaded on my case before I knew what was happening!

The bus was old, basic and already half full, I checked with the driver that we were headed in the right direction, we leave at 11am he said. Thankfully I had a bottle of water and dried fruit and nuts with me, the journey was to take 3 hours, the bench seat was hard and was designed for tiny Thai people rather than "voluptuous" British women! I sat on the "double" seat with my hand luggage rucksack beside me to prevent anyone else sharing my space... Almost time to leave, the engine had started and I was relieved that I still had my space, when a final influx of locals joint the bus, women with children, the bus seemed to groan under the additional passengers and I reluctantly smiled and gestured that a lady sit next to me with her cheeky, smiley toddler who had beautiful big brown eyes... So there was now three of us sharing the seat.... The fare was baht65 (£1.20) it had been my intention to inquire about a more comfortable VIP bus at the station which I had heard were available, but once again, I'd got carried along and felt like a passenger to someone else's plan.....

So I chastised myself for being a "princess" and being so ridiculous, it was 3 hours, so what if it was a bit uncomfortable? Didn't they say we should "embrace our suffering" at New Life? It was hardly suffering anyway! Not an ideal way to travel but it was a means to an end.... I popped in my earphones and listened to Russell Brands new book on audible app.... Revolution.... His familiar London/Essex accent didn't fit with my surroundings, especially the liberal use of swear words... It reminded me of something that the life coach had said at our final session after my Life Story, I have, she said, the London/Essex way of speaking, I'm the "salt of the Earth" which will appeal to ordinary people because I speak in plain language from the heart which makes it meaningful, accessible and inspiring! Me and Russell! Who'd of thought we'd having anything in common! But we do, we are both "common" lol!

The journey passed by uneventfully my travelling companions left the bus after an hour or so, such a calm little one, no tears or tantrums, nothing to play with, no big bag of sweeties to "keep him quiet" on the journey, all the children seem the same, calm adored by their parents/carers but not indulged... So I was able to spread out a little on the seat. People got on and off at random places seemingly in the middle of nowhere, some young lads, aged around 13 years got on laughing together, playing on their mobile phones, just ordinary teens, apart from their bright yellow Monks robes, I wondered why make that choice so young?

The bus abruptly stopped on a busy main road, their version of A12, by a small shelter and several Tuk Tuk drivers... We had "arrived"! A cocky young English guy was arguing with a tuk tuk driver saying that 50 was too much to pay for the ride to the border, what if there's more of us he said? I stood by my luggage surveying the scene totally confused! The young guy asked where I was going, thinking I could travel with his group reducing the fare... (A reminder that bhat50 is £1!) I wouldn't share with him on principal moaning that the tuk tuk drivers were ripping him off! iPad in hand I showed one of the drivers the details of my hotel saying I wanted to be taken their directly.  How many? I was asked several times, just one I replied to be met with surprise, surely it's not that unusual for a woman my age to be travelling alone? Seemingly it is! Eventually after much talking to several drivers and discussion amongst themselves, they agreed to take me for 250... What choice did I have? Everyone else had departed, I was by the side of a motorway at their mercy, I just had to trust.... It was about a 15 min ride along bumpy unmade roads once off the main highway, I was hot, thirsty and very windswept! Once I've checked into hotel I'm going to order a long cool drink....

As the Tuk Tuk approached a large complex, I was surprised to hear then see loud music and a small crowd which resembled the greeting at the gate of a Butlins type holiday camp! We drove onto the site, some of which was magnificent, some still a building site.... We parked at reception and 2 women came and greeted me, the driver started to unload my luggage and I showed them the booking voucher on the IPad.. I was NOT at the right hotel!!!
It will be 2000, the receptionist said in broken English... For what I said? You can stay she replied! No I've booked and paid to stay here I pointed to the iPad. I asked to be taken to this hotel....

Half an hour later, following frantic calls, negotiating a new price with Tuk Tuk driver I was dispatched at the border... I was reassured by the manager of the "right" hotel that a driver would pick me up at the border.... A 3 minute ride from where the bus had originally dropped me off, what should of been a baht50 fare cost me 400 and any serenity I had left totally gone! I was totally in the dark as to what was to happen next at the border my passport was checked and stamped I was told I needed a photo, which I had somewhere but couldn't remember? So that would be baht 100, I needed US$36 for visa, I didn't have any of that currency! There were forms to complete, questions to answer, I went from one desk to another, dragging the luggage behind me all the time Wanting to cry like a bloody baby....

I guess u get the picture? Eventually, after getting on one bus, then off again, coz it was the wrong bus, I crossed the Friendship Bridge into Laos.... The driver disappeared so I managed to drag the case out from the hold, went through passport control finding myself facing a group of tuk tuk drivers.... I withdrew some Kip the currency of Laos from the ATM and once again took out the IPad.... I want to to this Hotel.... Blank stares and lots of chat amongst themselves.... Now unable to hold back tears, it had gone beyond a farce and had turned into a bad, dark, B movie type horror! So absolutely ridiculous that if watching at home, I'd never believe it plausible. But it was and I was in the staring role of this miserable mess!!!

The place seemed deserted of Official employees, I found a young girl asking please do u speak English? She nodded sympathetically, I need to get to this Hotel I said frantically showing her the IPad... She pointed to an impressive hotel high above us on the cliff beyond the border station, it's there she said.... You can walk..... I can't, I replied, I have too much luggage indicating my now hated overstuffed bag... Please tell the drivers I asked gratefully, someone loaded my case onto a tuk tuk, how much I asked? One said 200 another 300 then they glared at each other.... 200 then I said... It was a short but very steep ride up the side of the cliff, my luggage was unceremoniously dumped in reception and I gave the driver the agreed fare.... The smiling receptionist said our driver went to collect you.....

Goodness me, if you still reading this congratulations for not pressing delete.... The room was huge, all very gaudy and gold.... An amazingly comfortable huge bed, when I stepped out onto the balcony I could just make out the tuk tuk drivers below.... Now breathe Anne I told myself, the ordeal is over, you are here, you've arrived a little stressed but no real harm done, a bruised ego is all, you really should of been better prepared.... Make a cup of tea, have a shower and it will all be fine...... (Famous last words......)

As the late great Frank Carson said.... There's more..... TBC.....

BOGOF

A long overdue catch up.....

My last week at NLF passed in a positive and productive way. I finally shook off my feelings of being unwell and so felt able to fully participate in the working meditations. I realised that as I felt I'd not contributed as much as I would of like to the running of the community, I didn't feel I was a credible member of the community... Of course that was all in my head and no one else had even noticed! I'd formed some close connections with some lovely people and had even warmed to the Life Coach!! During one of our final sessions I shared with her that I'd made a harsh judgement on their way of working because of my arrogance and rigid beliefs about the "right way" of supporting people after years of working my way! I said I wasn't sure that I entirely agreed with them, but they clearly worked for many at New Life and I had to give them credit for their innovative different way of working which in that environment worked... She was surprised and pleased that I apologised, "Oh when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong" I conceded, just like the Dad in Dirty Dancing said to Patrick Swazey! Thankfully she was a fan of the film (who isn't? So she obviously not all bad!lol!)

I guess because I was so busy with "real interaction with real people" at NLF I didn't have such a need to write it all down in the blog..... Also, the days are very structured and mostly the same, the workshops were different every afternoon but along the same theme, "embrace your suffering" (Still not convinced about that one! Not terribly British!) so I felt I didn't have much to share that you hadn't already heard....

Also, I was a little preoccupied with my Life story which I had been invited to share with the community. Every Thursday evening, a person shares their story, they speak for around 45 mins then the community offer feedback saying how or if they relate or whether the story had made an impact on them.... I'd attended 2 very different peoples shares, a young woman in her late twenties from China and an Australian guy, early forties. What did I have to say that anyone would want to hear? I was convinced by the Life-coach that there was plenty....

Public speaking (waffling) from the heart is one of the things I do well, and that was my remit...To speak from the heart.  I decided to call it A story of Hope and Healing. I'd made some bullet points on small pieces of paper which I referred to so I didn't go off on too many tangents. The audience were supportive, appreciative and very generous with their feedback. The Forest Hall, a very atmospheric circular building is an amazing venue,  lit mostly by candlelight, it was a truly magical experience... Many many lovely things were shared afterwards and I will cherish the genuine positive things said always, especially when I have periods of self doubt! At the end I played an India Arie track, Strength, Courage and Wisdom...  I announced that just as the song says, It's been inside of me all along! To a very long round of applause and lots and lots of hugs....

After successfully sharing my Life-story on Thursday night, I thought I'd simply say thank you at the Saturday community meeting when I said goodbye to the community. But I woke early that morning with words inside my head that felt needed to be shared, so without much thought at all I scribbled them down before going on my final early morning walk to watch the sunrise over the lake, which as always was stunning.

Below is my "goodbye speech" to the community. It reflects how I felt and still feel, I never had any expectation of my time at New Life, it was certainly a road never travelled so how could I possibly? My only certainty was that it was the right thing to do, even though I wasn't able to properly articulate why.... The words below were straight from my heart, written at 4.30am, a good time to bypass the "logical head/brain". Reading it again today, helps to make sense of it all.  I share this with you to share my gratitude for the part you have made and continue to make in my life. So busy with our lives generally we don't acknowledge our family and friends enough.....

A Goodbye to NLF

I would like to express my gratitude to the community as a whole, whether you arrived this week or have been here for many months. My heart has been truly touched by the many beautiful conversations shared.

I'd particularly like to thank those of you who unknowingly have pushed my buttons, for it is only through challenge that we really grow. And I have!

I'd like to express my admiration to the amazing young people (and compared to me, that's most of you!) I am in awe that you have embarked on a journey of spiritual self development so early in your life, how fantastic and fulfilling your lives will be having had such an awakening... You all Rock!

I take away many gifts from my stay here. Some unexpected joys... A deeper appreciation of the many blessings I have at home. My precious children, family and friends. Just like Santiago in the Alchemist, I had to travel thousands of miles to realise my "treasure" was there all the time....

On my first day, when I introduced myself at the morning meeting, I said my Higher Power had bought me to New Life. I'd "Let Go and Let God" trusting that he would keep me safe in a loving embrace. Being here has reinforced my belief and deepened my relationship the the God of my understanding. As he knew it would.

I leave here inspired with a plan, an ambitious plan, a grand scheme. I've no idea how I will make it happen, but I sense it is my destiny and I refuse to play it small any longer. To paraphrase Marianne Williamson.... Who am I not to be the truly magnificent person I am meant to be?

Finally, part of the magic of New Life is the exquisite beauty of the grounds and beyond. Stunning sunrises and breathtaking sun sets. God in all his glory- So I close with this poem by William Henry Davis

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare,
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep and cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait til her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

More hugs and goodbyes followed the meeting, my taxi was booked for 1pm after lunch, of course I hadn't packed, so the morning flew by. My fellow cynical Brit Marc carried my bag to the entrance and waved goodbye as I drove off in the Taxi. It felt a bit like a cheesy episode of Eastenders, they always exit via taxi... I felt a mixture of relief and trepidation. The driver looked very confused when I showed him the address of the Guest house in town, he kept looking at the piece of paper which he'd placed on the passenger seat beside him. It didn't instil me with much confidence but what could possibly go wrong I thought? Thankfully, I had no idea that this would be the pattern of things to come!

I was thankful when the taxi pulled up outside the Baan Bua Guesthouse, a lady rushed out saying they were full, I have a booking I said. Oh, she replied... It felt a bit of an anticlimax walking into the bedroom, there was a huge very hard bed which thankfully had clean white non bobbly sheets. It was a basic room, recommended to me so I kind of knew what to expect, no frills but for £11 more than adequate for one night. I connected to the wifi and sat in the garden with a cool drink formulating a plan for the rest of my day....

With no structure or time table for the first time in a month I was unsure what to do with my "freedom".... My hair needed a cut and some kind of conditioning treatment, also my poor feet were desperate for a pedicure and a little TLC. The guesthouse was a little off the beaten track, as I headed into town I made a mental note of landmarks so I could find my way back.... I left around 2.30pm I passed a lot of little cafés and bars that were closed up, obviously too early to be open yet, there were a lot of people milling around and I enjoyed walking aimlessly not having to clock watch.

I eventually came across a hairdressers, it looked quite Western in style and boasted that they used John Frieda Products. The price list said a shampoo cut and blow dry was from bht 200 (£4) it was empty apart from the 2 girls working and they greeted me with a smile, I tried to explained that as well as a cut I wanted a conditioning treatment... Lots of gestures, blank stares and smiles followed and I was taken to the sink, my hair was washed several times in tepid water, but clearly they hadn't understood my request for treatment! I felt nicely relaxed as my hair was cut and dried, my grey roots looked very obvious in the mirror but I thought they will have to wait until I get home.... I felt groomed and quite human when I left, £5 well spent!

I went next in search of a pedicure. First stop was an "accredited" massage place extolling the benefits of all different types of massage, especially for jet lag. It had the feel of a medical establishment rather than a "parlour" certainly no ladyboys to be seen so thought it be ok. I was a little anxious about full body massage because of my dodgy back, shoulders and elbow so opted for a foot massage. I had a few minutes to wait, while my feet soaked and the women finished with their clients, a couple snuggled in comfy chairs, eyes closed both looking very relaxed with silly grins on their faces.... That will do me I thought!

The reflexology treatment was for an hour and would cost Bht 200. It was very good,  firm but not too much so. It then got considerably more physical, she practically climbed on me and pressed all her weight onto my legs, I was worried but tried to stay relaxed, then my legs were pulled akimbo onto her shoulder I heard several bones clicking and I let out a little screech! The pain was intense, I felt the couple of hundred pounds spent on osteopathy before my trip to realign my pelvis coming undone!! Ouch!  I sat up and said, "No More! It hurts" she nodded and went to work on my shoulders, another problem area for me! I've had whiplash injury, all sorts of treatment and surgery so was a bit anxious! It was very uncomfortable, I just wanted it to end, the hope that I'd feel nicely relaxed afterwards had long faded....

Evidence of the massage ladies enthusiasm was evident the next day when I noticed in the mirror more than a dozen black bruises on my upper arms, no wonder it hurt!!! To say I was relieved to get out of there is an understatement!

I was beginning to feel a little peckish, but it felt too early for dinner so I wandered some more, keeping an eye out for a beauty parlour to get my toe nails painted.... What can possibly go Wrong with that I naively thought? Well plenty! I won't bore you with all the sorry details, 2 hours later I left almost in tears having had the worse pedicure of my life! I was p###ed off, thirsty, hungry, stressed and in pain with bleeding toes painted turquoise blue (my choice of colour) which the "therapist" kept saying were "beautiful" about her only word of English....

How had I let this happen? I'd only been away from NLF for an afternoon and my "serenity" had vanished... I decided I needed a drink and something to eat! That would fix it! I went into a "Mediterranean" restaurant as I wanted anything to eat other than rice, they didn't sell wine by the glass and I thought a bottle wouldn't be a good idea so I ordered a cider to go with my smoked chicken and salad. The drink was good, but after a few sips I felt it going to my head so ordered a bottle of water too.

I sat watching the people go by starting to relax and chuckled for getting myself into such a state over the silly beauty treatments, no harm done really, my hair was ok so one out of three wasn't too bad! The food was good, not what I'd expected though, covered in a creamy cheesy sauce which was heavy and a bit too rich after the previous months fairly bland diet. Certainly couldn't manage to eat it all.

Miscommunication and wonky expectations certainly seemed the order of the day! It was now dark, the streets were full as was my belly, I wandered through the night market and resisted the temptation to buy too many trinkets, mostly because there's no way I will get them home in my over stuffed case! But I did succumb to a couple of things I confess! I picked up a large bottle of water, some dried fruit and nuts and a magnum ice cream for desert in the Lotus Tesco, yes there is a Chiang Rai branch of Tesco!

 I thought about jumping in a tuk tuk back to guesthouse but thought the it would be helpful to walk off dinner and ice cream, confident I knew they way back...... Unfortunately, a 10 minute walk took over two hours, everything looked completely different in the dark, many roads were closed off because of a huge night market that went on and on and on... Imagine an Asian version of IKEA! Not that they were selling affordable flat pack furniture, but that u can never find your way to the exit! (Or is it only me?) My arms ached after the massage, not helped having to carrying heavy bags, my feet were sore and I became increasingly frantic as I tried to escape the market to find an open road where I could find either a taxi or tuk tuk...  The streets were filled with endless stalls selling food, bed linen, handbags, pictures, puppies in cages and so much more. Live music and firecrackers added to the general chaos and my growing anxiety and exhaustion.

Things began to look familiar but that was because I'd walked through them before, I was walking in circles and hadn't realised it, not because I was on the way back to guesthouse! Logistics have never been a strength of mine! I'd really had enough and prayed for some help.... I saw a couple of security/police type characters who were guarding a barrier so I asked where I could find a tuk tuk? Taxi? Help? My frantic words, "I'm lost!" were met with blank stares....

Then an Tall Australian Angel called John, came to my rescue! He approach me while I was talking to the guards and asked if he could help... Having listened patiently to my predicament he reassured me that I wasn't far from the guesthouse and he would show me the way. His pretty Thai (much younger!) partner dutifully followed, I was so relieved to be rescued and understood I was jabbering wreak! He knew NLF, some of the staff and long term volunteers, he taught social studies and cricket at the local high school... We chatted about my onward journey and he assured me it would be great. On the road of guesthouse where I was staying he asked if I now knew where I was, oh yes I replied, are you sure he asked? Of course I said..... (Big mistake!)

Over an hour after bidding John goodnight, I finally walked through the door of my bedroom, allowing tears of relief escape... I thought I knew where I was but didn't at all, it was like a dark maze! I had been so scared, walking down deserted streets, no one I asked seemed to know where the guesthouse was, (down a dark secluded alley seconds away from where John had left me) some people "helpfully" suggested I try here or there, drunken men staggering along the road, groups of youngsters striding along confidently carrying huge backpacks looking like they knew exactly where they were going, locals squatted in the street giving me very strange looks!

Well yes, I guess I did look odd! I felt so alone and so very angry at myself for not asking to be taken just that little bit further to the actual guesthouse! Pride before a fall? Eight hours after leaving the room in search of a haircut and a little "pampering" I returned very worse for wear and full of self pity! Once I'd finally calmed down, a couple of hours later, after a cool shower, I reasoned that, everything that could of gone wrong had, so from then on it could only get better.... Thankfully, I held onto that positive thought and didn't dwell on my "ordeal" too much so I was able to get some rest that night...  But the "challenging lessons" kept on coming!

To be continued.....





Rustic old world charm? Dusty dirty and pretty deserted for the '

Post 12. Super Sunny Sunday....Normal Service is resumed!

I've had an absolutely glorious day. During the night a "fairy" posted a picture message onto my front door, these little anonymous notes are a fairly regular occurrence at the foundation, gestures of appreciation and gratitude. I had a poem stuck on my door last week which was sweet... Today's was a perfect message which filled me with a warm glow.... I will attempt to attached it.... In case I fail, it's a picture of a bright flower and is addressed to "little Anne" saying that it's been great seeing my inner child blossom like a flower! Where else??

I'm glad to of been well enough to resume my early morning walk, I watched in wonder as the orange sun rose through the trees lighting up the sky and the lake below... Waved to a lone fisherman in a narrow boat as he cast out his line, counted six different varieties of butterfly from a tiny bright yellow one which looked like it had been coloured by a neon highlighter pen, to one as large as my hand, almost black with deep Royal Blue splashes on the tips of its wings... I listened to my Motown in Motion on headphones, which gave me a bounce in my step.... With a start like that how could it not fail to be a great day? I dutifully took along my inhaler, but haven't needed to use it at all today! That's also after a second stroll for an hour this evening before dinner with Ruth and lots of swimming which has been such a treat... Have a bit of a pink nose from the sun, somehow managed to miss that with the cream! Lol! Apart from that feeling good, a little tired but from exercise rather than ill health...

I really appreciated your get well messages, I apologise if I worried you at all, I tried to avoid my last post turning into a pity party... I'm glad to confirm that today has been the opposite! Have just returned from a mini Disco in Lochie's room, theatrical gay Australian guy, shaved head, goalie beard and handlebar moustache... I was a little intimidated by him at first because he seemed so loud, confident and flamboyant but we have become good friends!  So I got an invite to his exclusive mini disco for half an hour this evening! Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Curtis Mayfield, Donna Summer et al, what a groovy way to end a great day..

I downloaded Russell Brands new book yesterday, the audio version... Revolution and started listening when sunbathing by the pool... Controversial, lots of expletives as you might expect but also very spiritual talking about his meditation, yoga practice and mistrust of politicians etc.... While I may not agree with everything he says, (although I do like many of his opinions) nevertheless his pontificating  is creating a dialogue about the bigger picture, especially for the "youf" which I can only see as a good thing. I do believe strongly that the universe is shifting towards enlightenment, so many people have felt lost, searching to find meaning in their lives.. The power of social media is making different viewpoints available for many... I'm certain, if Jesus were here today he'd be making use of Facebook, Twitter and probably blogging too! Although I'm sure he'd be better at adding the visuals than I am! Lol!

Well on the rather "esoteric highbrow" conclusion! I will close for tonight.... I hope you enjoyed your extra hour today... UK now 7 hours behind me!

Love light and laughter
A xxx

Post 11. The omnibus edition....

Well I'm still here at NLF and the sun is still shining!

The heat/dust doesn't seem to agree with me here sadly, causing problems with asthma which resulted in another trip to hospital for steroid injections and lots of pills. I don't tend to have breathing difficulties at home except if I get a cold so it's only an occasional issue, but when it occurs it's quite bad. I acted quickly and sought treatment before it escalated, I had a bad time in Tenerife over the last New Year and spoilt the holiday for my dear friend Carol and I, mostly due to my stubbornness. I didn't want to call the Doctor, then I didn't want to go to hospital coz "I didn't want to make a fuss"  which is exactly what my refusal to cooperate created, a big fuss and a few days in hospital in Tenerife...

So I finally learnt that one and didn't waste too much time getting medical help... I'm very glad I was here in the community, it would of been horrible to of been on my own... They've been kind and supportive, but left me alone to rest and recover which is just what I needed.

I've had to temporarily stop walking in mornings, when my breathing seems at it's worse especially after a sleepiness night of coughing, no swimming or dancing. I also had a few days away from working meditation. I've read a lot and have to confess done a bit of wallowing, which is why I thought I'd give the blog a break for a few days to spare you the misery! The coaches preach about embracing your suffering, most un-British, although I do feel there's a fine line between wallowing and embracing!

When I asked if I could work and I simply said no.... I am proud I didn't feel guilty or tried to solider on playing my old favourite Martyr role... Progress at least! One of the gifts of the stay here has been to realise that I have my s##t together more than I thought and that despite the inevitable hiccups, God, the 12 step programme and faith in my own recovery is supporting me to keep in the moment... Actually a severe asthma attack is a great lesson in being in the moment, all you can focus on is the next breath!

One of the books I re-read this week was the Alchemist, a really lovely story/fable, author Paulo Coelho used the quote "the night is darkest closest to the Dawn...." I think that's very true, on reflection my life had become dark and had been for a long time, little by little, since that hospital stay in January, I've done a lot of healing work and managed to stumbled my way into the dawn, I see the light on the Horizon and it's full of promise....There are many priceless lessons to be learned from the hideous challenges the Universe (kindly) sends us, we can chose to ignore them but then they get sent again even louder! Therefore, when I come to this kind of climate again I will use a brown steroid preventative inhaler in addition to the blue reliever, simple..... It would sure save a lot of problems!

The last time I wrote, the Silent retreat had just started. They all stuck with it, although not everyone followed it strictly to the letter, but I have to take my hat of to them. 5 days no talking.... It was interesting before hand a lot of people who had experience doing them previously was dismissive "oh 5 days is nothing in a community, a real challenge would be 30 days in isolation..." It reminded me of the "helpful" comments a first time pregnant mum hears at antenatal classes, all the gory details of how awful giving birth can be or dismissive of their fears, neither are very helpful and can add to the anxiety... Once again egos abound.... However, my observation is an indication of my judgemental ego rearing it's head too... None of us are perfect, least of all me!

They finished at Friday lunchtime, no more noble silence during mealtime so it was noisy, raucous and had the feeling of last day at school, there was a real buzz about the place, a celebration, a real achievement for many... All had positive things to say about the deeply spiritual experience.... However, I'm still not convinced that I would get a lot out of it myself... My fear???

As I said earlier, the community have been supportive while I've been under the weather, sweet thoughtful gestures that I've really appreciated. Ruth, a dear lady from Israel asked if she could pray for my healing, it was very moving as she read the words in Hebrew from her Bible. At home she lectures in religion, my talks with her have been fascinating and enlightening.  She is a gentle soul and I feel blessed to have met her. Indeed, I have shared many amazing conversations with such a diverse range of people. All sharing the common goal of personal self development and making a contribution to the community. I am particularly in awe of the number of youngsters, guys and girls in their early 20s here volunteering and participating in the programme. How magnificent their lives will be to develop a deep awareness at such an early age!

I have finalised all my onward travel plans, so easy with a click and credit card! I'm leaving here 1st Nov four days early to give me a chance to see some more of the country. This time next week I will be on my way.. I know I will be fully recovered and stronger by then. I'm spending one night in Chaing Rai, it be good to stay for night market, we have to leave at 7.30pm when we visit because of the curfew. Then 3 hour bus to Haoyxai which is the border on Mekong, stay for 2 nights b&b in a brand new v posh hotel with Casino spa and all for £72 (which is wildly extravagant in these parts, but wouldn't get a Travelodge in Romford for one night at home!) nice and close for the "boutique boat". The cruise takes around 7 hours each day, we stop off a couple of times to see the Hill Side Tribe Village and some caves with a thousand images of Buddha, all with an English speaking guide which will make life easier.

There is a bar on board and they serve traditional Laos cuisine for luncheon in the restaurant. We stay in a riverside bungalow in Pakhag for night then onto final destination Luang Prebang for 6 nights which looks quite beautiful. I heard from Uli, the German woman I made friends with here, she arrived there a couple of days ago and said it's lovely, her boat trip was a bit of a challenge in the simple boat, so I'm glad I've "upgraded"

Am v excited and downloaded the lonely planet guide to Laos to make sure I get to do all the touristy things! One day I plan to do a cookery course which should be fun and hopefully an opportunity to meet some people... I think by next Saturday I will definitely be ready to move on from here. Time for me to spread my wings!

I made the decision to treat myself to a new camera, Mark one of the guys here has recommend one that's "idiot proof" and connects wirelessly to the iPad for ease of uploading photos, which is just as well because that phrase challenges my techno phobia or rather my interest in all kinds of geeky stuff.. I don't care how it works or why, I just want it too easily! So I'll be off the plaza on Tuesday with credit card to get the shiny piece of kit!

It's been a lazy Saturday here, a bit frustrating as I'm only able to watch as lots are floating in the pool... After cleaning the community fridge this morning, I did my washing, sitting waiting for the washing cycle to complete it reminded me of going to the launderette many many years ago for my Mum.

She mostly use to go to Ironmonger Row Baths (a wool and a white wash) as we lived in a tiny 3 roomed flat in a red brick tenement block, Guinness Buildings, that was the easiest way to get the family washing done, there was 7 of us at home. Mum use to give me the change for the machine and dryer and an extra 5p (shilling) which I could give to the lady to do a service wash or do the wash myself and keep the 5p which is what I usually did! The laundrette is still there in Kings Square. Despite many changes that still remains, as does George's Fish Bar, where we use to get chips from, although it's all expanded now and upmarket...

I got to thinking about being a kid and going to Kings Square Park the other day before I became unwell. They have set a swing up in a tree. To fulfil one of my goals, of being more childlike, after a swim I went and sat on the swing, it is in quite a secluded spot so I didn't feel too silly!

I must have spent hundreds of hours and visited dozens of parks over the years pushing my kids in the swings, but sitting on the swing here in the sunshine, still damp from the pool I remembered being a kid myself. Making the transition from Baby swing with the safety bars to big girls swing. There was a paddling pool at the park and we would have a splash and swing high letting the air dry us off... The memory was triggered by not being able to reach the ground here at NLF all I could do was gently rock from side to side just like my initial progression onto big girls swing 45 odd years earlier...My feet didn't properly reach the ground (always had little legs)... I sat there for some time, legs dangling, enjoying the carefree memories of childhood play  glad to embrace the innocent simple pleasure (not suffering!) There are many gaps in my memory of growing up and I felt really happy to of rediscovered that happy one...

Always a dreamer (and a meditator I guess, before I even know what that was!) I know I drove mum mad, especially when I was getting ready for school and I would just stop, one sock on and one sock off lost in thought! Now that ability to switch off is seen as a positive thing! Well here at least! Lol! I rather like this quote below....

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood
Your childhood is not defined by what you did or what
happened to you, it's the memories you choose to dwell on.
Banish ideas that darken your past and you will brighten your future."
Michael Josephson

Today I choose to focus on the ideas that will brighten my future.... Coz it's Bright.... Not Orange, maybe I'll cover all the bases and say it's rainbow coloured!

Hope you are all well and still getting something (?) from the waffle.

Lots of love xxx

Day 15

Exactly 2 weeks ago I walked through the gates here at NLF... A young woman from UK arrived today, I guess she was on the same flight as me a fortnight ago. Rena, who is actually 33 so not that young except when compared to me, is here for 6 weeks volunteering. I felt quite the mother hen as I showed her around, especially where Mamas is, we had a Pineapple Smoothie (gorgeous!) together. She gave up her job in Risk Management for Network Rail to travel, after traveling around Asia for a few months she's going to Barbados to do a yoga course! A different world......

It's all relative, I know to many of my dear friends (and me) this is a big adventure but to most of the people here is not that big a deal! Matthew, an American guy aged 24 years a talented musician/songwriter, left here last week with his guitar and a tiny backpack containing everything he has in the world, it was about the size of the one I took on plane for hand luggage, he simply walked out the gate and hitched a lifted to??? Who knows where!

I just think oh what about his mum? Surely she must worry! He's been on the road for over a year.... I guess it's character building and perhaps it's easier when you young?

I am v excited coz I've found a company that offer a more luxurious experience on the Mekong River, it's a bit more expensive but they serve lunch, it has a bar and an area undercover to escape the sun.... They have English speaking staff and they will take care of all the arrangements. I'm happy to pay a bit extra for the peace of mind... I had a tiny fluttering of guilt that it was "cheating" but I've nothing to prove to anyone and as I remember someone wise telling me once before, "if there's a door use it, you don't have to break down the wall to get through!"

Another nice day, I like the breakfast shift, it means by 8.30am I've finished my work for the day! I did some more washing and rigged up a line in my bathroom to avoid having my knickers on show for all to see! I retrieved all the annoying ribbon loops they put inside tops to keep them on coat hangers and tied them all together. They made a colourful washing line Be Prepared, was the Girl Guide Motto and haven't lost my resourcefulness. It got me thinking about the things I would bring if I were to come here again....

Top of the list would be sheets and pillowcases. I'd be too embarrassed to pass onto the RSPCA the ones they have here! They are clean, is about all that can said about them! I'd probably make sure I had more music downloaded coz I'm getting a bit fed up with the same old tunes! A camera would be another essential and of course a lesson before hand so I could easily upload pictures..... A plug-in insect repellant would be useful too.

That made me think about the things I grateful that I bought...
In true X Factor style and no particular order
Kettle, fruit tea bags and cappuccino sachets
A photo of my kiddies
My orthopaedic cushion and fold away pillow
iPad
My trek shoes (or trainers if u not in the know!)
Mirror (I thought useful for mascara application! Not used it for that but has been a godsend for plopping in my eye drops)
Eye mask to block out the sun during afternoon nap (thanks Lucy)
Small bum bag to keep valuables in under clothes (again Lucy's)
Mosquito repellant (although they have still bitten me)
Torch
Special water bottle with clip
Painkillers

Things I should have left at home
Iron, not used once
Hair dryer ditto
Pack of playing cards ditto
A variety of necklaces and earrings ditto
Bag of makeup ditto
A dozen or so bottles of lotions and potions for my skin
Sandals with buckles, far too much bother when u have to remove before entering a building

Something I've been doing a lot is reading, I just completed a fantastic book by Sonia Choquette called Walking Home: A pilgrimage from humbled to healed. It's published by Hay House, a spiritual read and the true story of her 500 mile walk of the Camino de Santiago over the Pyrenees & across Northern Spain.. It's a very moving story, she embarked upon the trek in order to heal following the death of her brother, father and break up of her marriage. The Camino, it's called a journey of forgiveness. I identified a lot with her journey and am certainly glad that I chose an easier route to healing, acceptance and forgiveness!

Now I'm reading Bridget Jones, Mad about the Boy, and loving every silly page..., Bridget is now 50 and a single parent.... No, the lovely Mark Darcey (the equally lovely Colin Firth in the film) didn't dump her, he got killed, so she's a widow with 2 little kiddies and 4 years after his death a "Born again Virgin"... V funny, I hope they make it into a movie... (And yep I identify with that book too...especially her dating rule No 1... Do Not Text When Drunk! Been there I'm afraid to say!)

As I came to my room tonight 2 Geckos were doing their best to get in! I sent them scurrying off, although the main creatures I want to keep out are the mossies, I had one in the room last night and the blighter bite me alive, my ankles look slightly deformed they have so many angry red lumps! I was advised the best thing for the bites is tiger balm, I bought a jar from the store just along from Mamas, another enterprise that sells just about everything, including petrol, the jar cost less than 50p and is great stuff. Of course there's the constant hum from the crickets all night, the occasional dog and then the cockerel starts up early! Together the whirl of the ceiling fan it's pretty noisy here at night compared to home, where it's pretty silent, unless Tia Maria (our cat) decides she wants to stay out late then changes her mind around 2am and cries until I let her in! Ahh but I do miss that ball of fluff! There's a cute cat here buts she's tiny compared to Tia.... She does love a fuss so it's nice to spend time petting here when I'm missing home....

The first day of the Vipassina today (the silent retreat) gosh they look miserable! Does enlightenment do that? Perhaps by day five they be all floaty, serene and tranquil! Maybe when I chat to the guys about it I will regret not taking part? I kinda doubt it though!

Well I've waffled a lot and at 9.15pm I'm ready for my bed! I've loved hearing from you.... It's so nice to know that some of you are enjoying my wittering on...... It truly helps me to feel connected to home (and that's where the heart is I'm glad to have rediscovered!)

Namaste

Xxx