Sunday, 26 October 2014
Post 12. Super Sunny Sunday....Normal Service is resumed!
I've had an absolutely glorious day. During the night a "fairy" posted a picture message onto my front door, these little anonymous notes are a fairly regular occurrence at the foundation, gestures of appreciation and gratitude. I had a poem stuck on my door last week which was sweet... Today's was a perfect message which filled me with a warm glow.... I will attempt to attached it.... In case I fail, it's a picture of a bright flower and is addressed to "little Anne" saying that it's been great seeing my inner child blossom like a flower! Where else??
I'm glad to of been well enough to resume my early morning walk, I watched in wonder as the orange sun rose through the trees lighting up the sky and the lake below... Waved to a lone fisherman in a narrow boat as he cast out his line, counted six different varieties of butterfly from a tiny bright yellow one which looked like it had been coloured by a neon highlighter pen, to one as large as my hand, almost black with deep Royal Blue splashes on the tips of its wings... I listened to my Motown in Motion on headphones, which gave me a bounce in my step.... With a start like that how could it not fail to be a great day? I dutifully took along my inhaler, but haven't needed to use it at all today! That's also after a second stroll for an hour this evening before dinner with Ruth and lots of swimming which has been such a treat... Have a bit of a pink nose from the sun, somehow managed to miss that with the cream! Lol! Apart from that feeling good, a little tired but from exercise rather than ill health...
I really appreciated your get well messages, I apologise if I worried you at all, I tried to avoid my last post turning into a pity party... I'm glad to confirm that today has been the opposite! Have just returned from a mini Disco in Lochie's room, theatrical gay Australian guy, shaved head, goalie beard and handlebar moustache... I was a little intimidated by him at first because he seemed so loud, confident and flamboyant but we have become good friends! So I got an invite to his exclusive mini disco for half an hour this evening! Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Curtis Mayfield, Donna Summer et al, what a groovy way to end a great day..
I downloaded Russell Brands new book yesterday, the audio version... Revolution and started listening when sunbathing by the pool... Controversial, lots of expletives as you might expect but also very spiritual talking about his meditation, yoga practice and mistrust of politicians etc.... While I may not agree with everything he says, (although I do like many of his opinions) nevertheless his pontificating is creating a dialogue about the bigger picture, especially for the "youf" which I can only see as a good thing. I do believe strongly that the universe is shifting towards enlightenment, so many people have felt lost, searching to find meaning in their lives.. The power of social media is making different viewpoints available for many... I'm certain, if Jesus were here today he'd be making use of Facebook, Twitter and probably blogging too! Although I'm sure he'd be better at adding the visuals than I am! Lol!
Well on the rather "esoteric highbrow" conclusion! I will close for tonight.... I hope you enjoyed your extra hour today... UK now 7 hours behind me!
Love light and laughter
A xxx
Saturday, 25 October 2014
Post 11. The omnibus edition....
Well I'm still here at NLF and the sun is still shining!
The heat/dust doesn't seem to agree with me here sadly, causing problems with asthma which resulted in another trip to hospital for steroid injections and lots of pills. I don't tend to have breathing difficulties at home except if I get a cold so it's only an occasional issue, but when it occurs it's quite bad. I acted quickly and sought treatment before it escalated, I had a bad time in Tenerife over the last New Year and spoilt the holiday for my dear friend Carol and I, mostly due to my stubbornness. I didn't want to call the Doctor, then I didn't want to go to hospital coz "I didn't want to make a fuss" which is exactly what my refusal to cooperate created, a big fuss and a few days in hospital in Tenerife...
So I finally learnt that one and didn't waste too much time getting medical help... I'm very glad I was here in the community, it would of been horrible to of been on my own... They've been kind and supportive, but left me alone to rest and recover which is just what I needed.
I've had to temporarily stop walking in mornings, when my breathing seems at it's worse especially after a sleepiness night of coughing, no swimming or dancing. I also had a few days away from working meditation. I've read a lot and have to confess done a bit of wallowing, which is why I thought I'd give the blog a break for a few days to spare you the misery! The coaches preach about embracing your suffering, most un-British, although I do feel there's a fine line between wallowing and embracing!
When I asked if I could work and I simply said no.... I am proud I didn't feel guilty or tried to solider on playing my old favourite Martyr role... Progress at least! One of the gifts of the stay here has been to realise that I have my s##t together more than I thought and that despite the inevitable hiccups, God, the 12 step programme and faith in my own recovery is supporting me to keep in the moment... Actually a severe asthma attack is a great lesson in being in the moment, all you can focus on is the next breath!
One of the books I re-read this week was the Alchemist, a really lovely story/fable, author Paulo Coelho used the quote "the night is darkest closest to the Dawn...." I think that's very true, on reflection my life had become dark and had been for a long time, little by little, since that hospital stay in January, I've done a lot of healing work and managed to stumbled my way into the dawn, I see the light on the Horizon and it's full of promise....There are many priceless lessons to be learned from the hideous challenges the Universe (kindly) sends us, we can chose to ignore them but then they get sent again even louder! Therefore, when I come to this kind of climate again I will use a brown steroid preventative inhaler in addition to the blue reliever, simple..... It would sure save a lot of problems!
The last time I wrote, the Silent retreat had just started. They all stuck with it, although not everyone followed it strictly to the letter, but I have to take my hat of to them. 5 days no talking.... It was interesting before hand a lot of people who had experience doing them previously was dismissive "oh 5 days is nothing in a community, a real challenge would be 30 days in isolation..." It reminded me of the "helpful" comments a first time pregnant mum hears at antenatal classes, all the gory details of how awful giving birth can be or dismissive of their fears, neither are very helpful and can add to the anxiety... Once again egos abound.... However, my observation is an indication of my judgemental ego rearing it's head too... None of us are perfect, least of all me!
They finished at Friday lunchtime, no more noble silence during mealtime so it was noisy, raucous and had the feeling of last day at school, there was a real buzz about the place, a celebration, a real achievement for many... All had positive things to say about the deeply spiritual experience.... However, I'm still not convinced that I would get a lot out of it myself... My fear???
As I said earlier, the community have been supportive while I've been under the weather, sweet thoughtful gestures that I've really appreciated. Ruth, a dear lady from Israel asked if she could pray for my healing, it was very moving as she read the words in Hebrew from her Bible. At home she lectures in religion, my talks with her have been fascinating and enlightening. She is a gentle soul and I feel blessed to have met her. Indeed, I have shared many amazing conversations with such a diverse range of people. All sharing the common goal of personal self development and making a contribution to the community. I am particularly in awe of the number of youngsters, guys and girls in their early 20s here volunteering and participating in the programme. How magnificent their lives will be to develop a deep awareness at such an early age!
I have finalised all my onward travel plans, so easy with a click and credit card! I'm leaving here 1st Nov four days early to give me a chance to see some more of the country. This time next week I will be on my way.. I know I will be fully recovered and stronger by then. I'm spending one night in Chaing Rai, it be good to stay for night market, we have to leave at 7.30pm when we visit because of the curfew. Then 3 hour bus to Haoyxai which is the border on Mekong, stay for 2 nights b&b in a brand new v posh hotel with Casino spa and all for £72 (which is wildly extravagant in these parts, but wouldn't get a Travelodge in Romford for one night at home!) nice and close for the "boutique boat". The cruise takes around 7 hours each day, we stop off a couple of times to see the Hill Side Tribe Village and some caves with a thousand images of Buddha, all with an English speaking guide which will make life easier.
There is a bar on board and they serve traditional Laos cuisine for luncheon in the restaurant. We stay in a riverside bungalow in Pakhag for night then onto final destination Luang Prebang for 6 nights which looks quite beautiful. I heard from Uli, the German woman I made friends with here, she arrived there a couple of days ago and said it's lovely, her boat trip was a bit of a challenge in the simple boat, so I'm glad I've "upgraded"
Am v excited and downloaded the lonely planet guide to Laos to make sure I get to do all the touristy things! One day I plan to do a cookery course which should be fun and hopefully an opportunity to meet some people... I think by next Saturday I will definitely be ready to move on from here. Time for me to spread my wings!
I made the decision to treat myself to a new camera, Mark one of the guys here has recommend one that's "idiot proof" and connects wirelessly to the iPad for ease of uploading photos, which is just as well because that phrase challenges my techno phobia or rather my interest in all kinds of geeky stuff.. I don't care how it works or why, I just want it too easily! So I'll be off the plaza on Tuesday with credit card to get the shiny piece of kit!
It's been a lazy Saturday here, a bit frustrating as I'm only able to watch as lots are floating in the pool... After cleaning the community fridge this morning, I did my washing, sitting waiting for the washing cycle to complete it reminded me of going to the launderette many many years ago for my Mum.
She mostly use to go to Ironmonger Row Baths (a wool and a white wash) as we lived in a tiny 3 roomed flat in a red brick tenement block, Guinness Buildings, that was the easiest way to get the family washing done, there was 7 of us at home. Mum use to give me the change for the machine and dryer and an extra 5p (shilling) which I could give to the lady to do a service wash or do the wash myself and keep the 5p which is what I usually did! The laundrette is still there in Kings Square. Despite many changes that still remains, as does George's Fish Bar, where we use to get chips from, although it's all expanded now and upmarket...
I got to thinking about being a kid and going to Kings Square Park the other day before I became unwell. They have set a swing up in a tree. To fulfil one of my goals, of being more childlike, after a swim I went and sat on the swing, it is in quite a secluded spot so I didn't feel too silly!
I must have spent hundreds of hours and visited dozens of parks over the years pushing my kids in the swings, but sitting on the swing here in the sunshine, still damp from the pool I remembered being a kid myself. Making the transition from Baby swing with the safety bars to big girls swing. There was a paddling pool at the park and we would have a splash and swing high letting the air dry us off... The memory was triggered by not being able to reach the ground here at NLF all I could do was gently rock from side to side just like my initial progression onto big girls swing 45 odd years earlier...My feet didn't properly reach the ground (always had little legs)... I sat there for some time, legs dangling, enjoying the carefree memories of childhood play glad to embrace the innocent simple pleasure (not suffering!) There are many gaps in my memory of growing up and I felt really happy to of rediscovered that happy one...
Always a dreamer (and a meditator I guess, before I even know what that was!) I know I drove mum mad, especially when I was getting ready for school and I would just stop, one sock on and one sock off lost in thought! Now that ability to switch off is seen as a positive thing! Well here at least! Lol! I rather like this quote below....
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood
Your childhood is not defined by what you did or what
happened to you, it's the memories you choose to dwell on.
Banish ideas that darken your past and you will brighten your future."
Michael Josephson
Today I choose to focus on the ideas that will brighten my future.... Coz it's Bright.... Not Orange, maybe I'll cover all the bases and say it's rainbow coloured!
Hope you are all well and still getting something (?) from the waffle.
Lots of love xxx
Monday, 20 October 2014
Day 15
Exactly 2 weeks ago I walked through the gates here at NLF... A young woman from UK arrived today, I guess she was on the same flight as me a fortnight ago. Rena, who is actually 33 so not that young except when compared to me, is here for 6 weeks volunteering. I felt quite the mother hen as I showed her around, especially where Mamas is, we had a Pineapple Smoothie (gorgeous!) together. She gave up her job in Risk Management for Network Rail to travel, after traveling around Asia for a few months she's going to Barbados to do a yoga course! A different world......
It's all relative, I know to many of my dear friends (and me) this is a big adventure but to most of the people here is not that big a deal! Matthew, an American guy aged 24 years a talented musician/songwriter, left here last week with his guitar and a tiny backpack containing everything he has in the world, it was about the size of the one I took on plane for hand luggage, he simply walked out the gate and hitched a lifted to??? Who knows where!
I just think oh what about his mum? Surely she must worry! He's been on the road for over a year.... I guess it's character building and perhaps it's easier when you young?
I am v excited coz I've found a company that offer a more luxurious experience on the Mekong River, it's a bit more expensive but they serve lunch, it has a bar and an area undercover to escape the sun.... They have English speaking staff and they will take care of all the arrangements. I'm happy to pay a bit extra for the peace of mind... I had a tiny fluttering of guilt that it was "cheating" but I've nothing to prove to anyone and as I remember someone wise telling me once before, "if there's a door use it, you don't have to break down the wall to get through!"
Another nice day, I like the breakfast shift, it means by 8.30am I've finished my work for the day! I did some more washing and rigged up a line in my bathroom to avoid having my knickers on show for all to see! I retrieved all the annoying ribbon loops they put inside tops to keep them on coat hangers and tied them all together. They made a colourful washing line Be Prepared, was the Girl Guide Motto and haven't lost my resourcefulness. It got me thinking about the things I would bring if I were to come here again....
Top of the list would be sheets and pillowcases. I'd be too embarrassed to pass onto the RSPCA the ones they have here! They are clean, is about all that can said about them! I'd probably make sure I had more music downloaded coz I'm getting a bit fed up with the same old tunes! A camera would be another essential and of course a lesson before hand so I could easily upload pictures..... A plug-in insect repellant would be useful too.
That made me think about the things I grateful that I bought...
In true X Factor style and no particular order
Kettle, fruit tea bags and cappuccino sachets
A photo of my kiddies
My orthopaedic cushion and fold away pillow
iPad
My trek shoes (or trainers if u not in the know!)
Mirror (I thought useful for mascara application! Not used it for that but has been a godsend for plopping in my eye drops)
Eye mask to block out the sun during afternoon nap (thanks Lucy)
Small bum bag to keep valuables in under clothes (again Lucy's)
Mosquito repellant (although they have still bitten me)
Torch
Special water bottle with clip
Painkillers
Things I should have left at home
Iron, not used once
Hair dryer ditto
Pack of playing cards ditto
A variety of necklaces and earrings ditto
Bag of makeup ditto
A dozen or so bottles of lotions and potions for my skin
Sandals with buckles, far too much bother when u have to remove before entering a building
Something I've been doing a lot is reading, I just completed a fantastic book by Sonia Choquette called Walking Home: A pilgrimage from humbled to healed. It's published by Hay House, a spiritual read and the true story of her 500 mile walk of the Camino de Santiago over the Pyrenees & across Northern Spain.. It's a very moving story, she embarked upon the trek in order to heal following the death of her brother, father and break up of her marriage. The Camino, it's called a journey of forgiveness. I identified a lot with her journey and am certainly glad that I chose an easier route to healing, acceptance and forgiveness!
Now I'm reading Bridget Jones, Mad about the Boy, and loving every silly page..., Bridget is now 50 and a single parent.... No, the lovely Mark Darcey (the equally lovely Colin Firth in the film) didn't dump her, he got killed, so she's a widow with 2 little kiddies and 4 years after his death a "Born again Virgin"... V funny, I hope they make it into a movie... (And yep I identify with that book too...especially her dating rule No 1... Do Not Text When Drunk! Been there I'm afraid to say!)
As I came to my room tonight 2 Geckos were doing their best to get in! I sent them scurrying off, although the main creatures I want to keep out are the mossies, I had one in the room last night and the blighter bite me alive, my ankles look slightly deformed they have so many angry red lumps! I was advised the best thing for the bites is tiger balm, I bought a jar from the store just along from Mamas, another enterprise that sells just about everything, including petrol, the jar cost less than 50p and is great stuff. Of course there's the constant hum from the crickets all night, the occasional dog and then the cockerel starts up early! Together the whirl of the ceiling fan it's pretty noisy here at night compared to home, where it's pretty silent, unless Tia Maria (our cat) decides she wants to stay out late then changes her mind around 2am and cries until I let her in! Ahh but I do miss that ball of fluff! There's a cute cat here buts she's tiny compared to Tia.... She does love a fuss so it's nice to spend time petting here when I'm missing home....
The first day of the Vipassina today (the silent retreat) gosh they look miserable! Does enlightenment do that? Perhaps by day five they be all floaty, serene and tranquil! Maybe when I chat to the guys about it I will regret not taking part? I kinda doubt it though!
Well I've waffled a lot and at 9.15pm I'm ready for my bed! I've loved hearing from you.... It's so nice to know that some of you are enjoying my wittering on...... It truly helps me to feel connected to home (and that's where the heart is I'm glad to have rediscovered!)
Namaste
Xxx
Exactly 2 weeks ago I walked through the gates here at NLF... A young woman from UK arrived today, I guess she was on the same flight as me a fortnight ago. Rena, who is actually 33 so not that young except when compared to me, is here for 6 weeks volunteering. I felt quite the mother hen as I showed her around, especially where Mamas is, we had a Pineapple Smoothie (gorgeous!) together. She gave up her job in Risk Management for Network Rail to travel, after traveling around Asia for a few months she's going to Barbados to do a yoga course! A different world......
It's all relative, I know to many of my dear friends (and me) this is a big adventure but to most of the people here is not that big a deal! Matthew, an American guy aged 24 years a talented musician/songwriter, left here last week with his guitar and a tiny backpack containing everything he has in the world, it was about the size of the one I took on plane for hand luggage, he simply walked out the gate and hitched a lifted to??? Who knows where!
I just think oh what about his mum? Surely she must worry! He's been on the road for over a year.... I guess it's character building and perhaps it's easier when you young?
I am v excited coz I've found a company that offer a more luxurious experience on the Mekong River, it's a bit more expensive but they serve lunch, it has a bar and an area undercover to escape the sun.... They have English speaking staff and they will take care of all the arrangements. I'm happy to pay a bit extra for the peace of mind... I had a tiny fluttering of guilt that it was "cheating" but I've nothing to prove to anyone and as I remember someone wise telling me once before, "if there's a door use it, you don't have to break down the wall to get through!"
Another nice day, I like the breakfast shift, it means by 8.30am I've finished my work for the day! I did some more washing and rigged up a line in my bathroom to avoid having my knickers on show for all to see! I retrieved all the annoying ribbon loops they put inside tops to keep them on coat hangers and tied them all together. They made a colourful washing line Be Prepared, was the Girl Guide Motto and haven't lost my resourcefulness. It got me thinking about the things I would bring if I were to come here again....
Top of the list would be sheets and pillowcases. I'd be too embarrassed to pass onto the RSPCA the ones they have here! They are clean, is about all that can said about them! I'd probably make sure I had more music downloaded coz I'm getting a bit fed up with the same old tunes! A camera would be another essential and of course a lesson before hand so I could easily upload pictures..... A plug-in insect repellant would be useful too.
That made me think about the things I grateful that I bought...
In true X Factor style and no particular order
Kettle, fruit tea bags and cappuccino sachets
A photo of my kiddies
My orthopaedic cushion and fold away pillow
iPad
My trek shoes (or trainers if u not in the know!)
Mirror (I thought useful for mascara application! Not used it for that but has been a godsend for plopping in my eye drops)
Eye mask to block out the sun during afternoon nap (thanks Lucy)
Small bum bag to keep valuables in under clothes (again Lucy's)
Mosquito repellant (although they have still bitten me)
Torch
Special water bottle with clip
Painkillers
Things I should have left at home
Iron, not used once
Hair dryer ditto
Pack of playing cards ditto
A variety of necklaces and earrings ditto
Bag of makeup ditto
A dozen or so bottles of lotions and potions for my skin
Sandals with buckles, far too much bother when u have to remove before entering a building
Something I've been doing a lot is reading, I just completed a fantastic book by Sonia Choquette called Walking Home: A pilgrimage from humbled to healed. It's published by Hay House, a spiritual read and the true story of her 500 mile walk of the Camino de Santiago over the Pyrenees & across Northern Spain.. It's a very moving story, she embarked upon the trek in order to heal following the death of her brother, father and break up of her marriage. The Camino, it's called a journey of forgiveness. I identified a lot with her journey and am certainly glad that I chose an easier route to healing, acceptance and forgiveness!
Now I'm reading Bridget Jones, Mad about the Boy, and loving every silly page..., Bridget is now 50 and a single parent.... No, the lovely Mark Darcey (the equally lovely Colin Firth in the film) didn't dump her, he got killed, so she's a widow with 2 little kiddies and 4 years after his death a "Born again Virgin"... V funny, I hope they make it into a movie... (And yep I identify with that book too...especially her dating rule No 1... Do Not Text When Drunk! Been there I'm afraid to say!)
As I came to my room tonight 2 Geckos were doing their best to get in! I sent them scurrying off, although the main creatures I want to keep out are the mossies, I had one in the room last night and the blighter bite me alive, my ankles look slightly deformed they have so many angry red lumps! I was advised the best thing for the bites is tiger balm, I bought a jar from the store just along from Mamas, another enterprise that sells just about everything, including petrol, the jar cost less than 50p and is great stuff. Of course there's the constant hum from the crickets all night, the occasional dog and then the cockerel starts up early! Together the whirl of the ceiling fan it's pretty noisy here at night compared to home, where it's pretty silent, unless Tia Maria (our cat) decides she wants to stay out late then changes her mind around 2am and cries until I let her in! Ahh but I do miss that ball of fluff! There's a cute cat here buts she's tiny compared to Tia.... She does love a fuss so it's nice to spend time petting here when I'm missing home....
The first day of the Vipassina today (the silent retreat) gosh they look miserable! Does enlightenment do that? Perhaps by day five they be all floaty, serene and tranquil! Maybe when I chat to the guys about it I will regret not taking part? I kinda doubt it though!
Well I've waffled a lot and at 9.15pm I'm ready for my bed! I've loved hearing from you.... It's so nice to know that some of you are enjoying my wittering on...... It truly helps me to feel connected to home (and that's where the heart is I'm glad to have rediscovered!)
Namaste
Xxx
Sunday, 19 October 2014
Post No 9
It's a glorious Sunday! I had a fairly early start because I was on breakfast duty. I chopped around 100 small bananas, they grow in the grounds and some watermelons. Serge, a rather strident German guy was in charge of cooking eggs and porridge. Lots of washing up, I asked where was the plug and where do I get hot water? Oh we use cold water and no plug was the reply, washing greasy pans and the porridge pot is a challenge but that's they way they do things...
Everyone is responsible for washing their own cutlery (spoon, fork no knives and chopsticks) plate and bowl (melamine no china here) after eating. Again there is a special way of doing this. There are 5 rectangular bowls, the 1st a shallow one for food waste which is composted, the 2nd & 3rd have soapy water, the 4th is clear water with vinegar and the final bowl has drinking water after a dunking into each bowl they are drained dry.
There is a certain way of doing most things here and often there is an assumption you just know the NLF way! I never thought I'd say that I miss bleach and a Mr Muscle type spray! I know it's probably not good for the environment but when u clean u can be confident that it is clean! Yesterday I was on community fridge cleaning duty.... There is a huge upright fridge with transparent doors like u get in a store for the use of the community, after meals, if u want to save something, usually fruit, u can pop cling film over the plate and pop into fridge, you must put your name and date on it.... Many people also buy various goodies, coca-cola and fruit juice seem to be popular plus honey, cheese, chocolate, crackers & cookies... It was my job to take it all out of fridge, check dates etc and throw the dodgy stuff out then give fridge a clean and put it back in some kind of order. A couple of people were most insistent that their Tupperware box was placed back on the same shelf.... A bit like home and car parking spaces, they wanted their particular spot!
After 2 weeks here I can understand why the long term people need To supplement the food. Everyday brown rice, originally grown in the fields here features on the menu for lunch and dinner. I say on the menu but there isn't one, the only description of what the food is, apart from knowing it's definitely veggie is the occasional SPICY sign next to the serving bowl! Most of the time I add a little serving of everything on my plate avoiding the SPICY dishes and hope for the best! It's tasty but getting samey, especially the rice which I feel expands in my tummy. In addition to the hot food there is always a salad of lettuce leaves, tomatoes, cue, carrot and peppers.
I was disappointed that the residents or volunteers don't help with the cooking, I'd hoped to pick up some tips... Anyone can bake cakes to share but the oven looks like a monster! Last night a couple of guys had bought themselves a steak in town which they cooked and had with salad at dinner, it sure smelt good!
I've had a leisurely day today, after breakfast I did some washing in the communities twin tub machine. Last week I sent a couple of bags to Mamas which she washed and folded for 100bht (less than £2) as it was so gloriously sunny I thought I'd get my towels and sheets done, it worked v efficiently and they were dry in a couple of hours, I'm thinking of doing my own "smalls" but maybe rigging up a little clothes line in the bathroom, I don't think I want my Bridget Jones panties and hammock bras flapping in the breeze for all to see!
Lots of new people arriving today, some pretty young beautiful girls, or "eye candy" as a couple of the guys remarked! It's going to be full up next week that's all 56 rooms booked out. There is a special silent retreat taking place, I had the option to join and it took me less than 2 seconds to decide to give it a miss! 5 days of simply meditating starting at 5.30am no reading, writing, or eating after lunch at noon. Everyone has a one to one with the visiting Monk (an English guy bedecked in orange robes) that is leading the Vipassana (Insight) when they are able to talk. Because of this, the rest of the community will observe noble silence during meals.. 32 people are taking part, I know this because it was one of my tasks to make "noble silence" badges for all the participants. Many are nervous about taking part, I think I would be too! It be interesting to see how it works out next week, there is a Dance planned for Saturday night to celebrate the ending, although it will still end before 9.30pm and of course no booze!
I've been doing some research about the next stage of my trip to Luang Prebang Laos, I will travel on a slow boat along the Mekong River which will take 2 days, it moors overnight and we stay in a guest house, both days are around 7-8 hours on the river and it's no cruise ship, sitting on wooden benches, you have to take your own snacks and drinks but thank heaven for small mercies, there is a western toilet on board (take your own loo roll)! The journey will be an experience in itself! It's very pretty, I will have to ensure I have plenty of reading matter, sun block and insect repellant and of course me pillow! I will also have to cart my luggage around too. I did look into giving the cruise a miss and letting the plane take the strain, but it would mean flying back to Bangkok... Expensive and long winded, the other alternative is a night bus, 12-15 hours..... So I decided to take the adventurous/pretty route! Once there I've booked into a nice hotel for 5 nights that has a spa, a bath and lovely clean white linen on the beds..... Who'd of thought you could dream of Egyptian cotton sheets? Luang Prebang is listed as world heritage site and is stunning, I have that on good authority, the lonely planet guide that I've downloaded to my iPad and my darling travel consultant Lucy... Who inspired me to visit there in the first place and I am so glad that I have that to look forward to after this "austere paradise".
Well I'm off for a swim before dinner now that I have clean dry towels and that the lovely ladies have left poolside for their orientation tour....Yep my ego is still intact! Maybe after another 2 weeks I won't pay any mind to the cellulite and wobbly bits!
Hope you have a lovely Sunday
Peace xxx
It's a glorious Sunday! I had a fairly early start because I was on breakfast duty. I chopped around 100 small bananas, they grow in the grounds and some watermelons. Serge, a rather strident German guy was in charge of cooking eggs and porridge. Lots of washing up, I asked where was the plug and where do I get hot water? Oh we use cold water and no plug was the reply, washing greasy pans and the porridge pot is a challenge but that's they way they do things...
Everyone is responsible for washing their own cutlery (spoon, fork no knives and chopsticks) plate and bowl (melamine no china here) after eating. Again there is a special way of doing this. There are 5 rectangular bowls, the 1st a shallow one for food waste which is composted, the 2nd & 3rd have soapy water, the 4th is clear water with vinegar and the final bowl has drinking water after a dunking into each bowl they are drained dry.
There is a certain way of doing most things here and often there is an assumption you just know the NLF way! I never thought I'd say that I miss bleach and a Mr Muscle type spray! I know it's probably not good for the environment but when u clean u can be confident that it is clean! Yesterday I was on community fridge cleaning duty.... There is a huge upright fridge with transparent doors like u get in a store for the use of the community, after meals, if u want to save something, usually fruit, u can pop cling film over the plate and pop into fridge, you must put your name and date on it.... Many people also buy various goodies, coca-cola and fruit juice seem to be popular plus honey, cheese, chocolate, crackers & cookies... It was my job to take it all out of fridge, check dates etc and throw the dodgy stuff out then give fridge a clean and put it back in some kind of order. A couple of people were most insistent that their Tupperware box was placed back on the same shelf.... A bit like home and car parking spaces, they wanted their particular spot!
After 2 weeks here I can understand why the long term people need To supplement the food. Everyday brown rice, originally grown in the fields here features on the menu for lunch and dinner. I say on the menu but there isn't one, the only description of what the food is, apart from knowing it's definitely veggie is the occasional SPICY sign next to the serving bowl! Most of the time I add a little serving of everything on my plate avoiding the SPICY dishes and hope for the best! It's tasty but getting samey, especially the rice which I feel expands in my tummy. In addition to the hot food there is always a salad of lettuce leaves, tomatoes, cue, carrot and peppers.
I was disappointed that the residents or volunteers don't help with the cooking, I'd hoped to pick up some tips... Anyone can bake cakes to share but the oven looks like a monster! Last night a couple of guys had bought themselves a steak in town which they cooked and had with salad at dinner, it sure smelt good!
I've had a leisurely day today, after breakfast I did some washing in the communities twin tub machine. Last week I sent a couple of bags to Mamas which she washed and folded for 100bht (less than £2) as it was so gloriously sunny I thought I'd get my towels and sheets done, it worked v efficiently and they were dry in a couple of hours, I'm thinking of doing my own "smalls" but maybe rigging up a little clothes line in the bathroom, I don't think I want my Bridget Jones panties and hammock bras flapping in the breeze for all to see!
Lots of new people arriving today, some pretty young beautiful girls, or "eye candy" as a couple of the guys remarked! It's going to be full up next week that's all 56 rooms booked out. There is a special silent retreat taking place, I had the option to join and it took me less than 2 seconds to decide to give it a miss! 5 days of simply meditating starting at 5.30am no reading, writing, or eating after lunch at noon. Everyone has a one to one with the visiting Monk (an English guy bedecked in orange robes) that is leading the Vipassana (Insight) when they are able to talk. Because of this, the rest of the community will observe noble silence during meals.. 32 people are taking part, I know this because it was one of my tasks to make "noble silence" badges for all the participants. Many are nervous about taking part, I think I would be too! It be interesting to see how it works out next week, there is a Dance planned for Saturday night to celebrate the ending, although it will still end before 9.30pm and of course no booze!
I've been doing some research about the next stage of my trip to Luang Prebang Laos, I will travel on a slow boat along the Mekong River which will take 2 days, it moors overnight and we stay in a guest house, both days are around 7-8 hours on the river and it's no cruise ship, sitting on wooden benches, you have to take your own snacks and drinks but thank heaven for small mercies, there is a western toilet on board (take your own loo roll)! The journey will be an experience in itself! It's very pretty, I will have to ensure I have plenty of reading matter, sun block and insect repellant and of course me pillow! I will also have to cart my luggage around too. I did look into giving the cruise a miss and letting the plane take the strain, but it would mean flying back to Bangkok... Expensive and long winded, the other alternative is a night bus, 12-15 hours..... So I decided to take the adventurous/pretty route! Once there I've booked into a nice hotel for 5 nights that has a spa, a bath and lovely clean white linen on the beds..... Who'd of thought you could dream of Egyptian cotton sheets? Luang Prebang is listed as world heritage site and is stunning, I have that on good authority, the lonely planet guide that I've downloaded to my iPad and my darling travel consultant Lucy... Who inspired me to visit there in the first place and I am so glad that I have that to look forward to after this "austere paradise".
Well I'm off for a swim before dinner now that I have clean dry towels and that the lovely ladies have left poolside for their orientation tour....Yep my ego is still intact! Maybe after another 2 weeks I won't pay any mind to the cellulite and wobbly bits!
Hope you have a lovely Sunday
Peace xxx
Friday, 17 October 2014
Day 12
The only way I know what number day I've reached is the "Sleeps at NLF calendar" Ive drawn which is pinned on my notice board, it has 30 hearts on and each morning I put a little cross in one to show that's another night gone, otherwise I wouldn't have a clue...
My dear friend Uli left today, we arrived together, she is from Germany, almost 50 years old and a mum to 2 adult kids so we had much in common. She had stayed as a volunteer for 12 days. She works as an art therapist and has taken 6 months away from her work as she was feeling exhausted. She has been travelling around Asia, her husband is due to meet up with her in Laos so they can spend some time together. Sad to say goodbye but wished her well.... People come and go all the time. I've struck up a new friendship with Ruth a lady from Israel, she too has 2 adult children and is here volunteering for a short while.
This place is such a melting pot of different characters, ages and cultures. I feel bad as an English person only knowing English.... There are also people here from Holland, Belgium, Japan, China, Norway, France, Guyana, Switzerland and others all speaking excellent English. Then there are Canadians, Americans, Australians, Irish, Scottish and a few English..... Where else would u have such a mix?
We had evaluation of Goals this afternoon. My first goal, to write for an hour a day was achieved no problems.... People were impressed at that, I think it is interesting that something that one person finds difficult another finds simple....
My second goal I didn't think I'd done so well at.... To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.... Firstly it wasn't a SMART goal, certainly not Specific or Measurable... But with the encouragement of my small group they made me realise that I had done some childlike things! (No one mentioned that I threw a tantrum and walked out of the workshop either!) Mainly it's the amount of dance I initially reluctantly took part in (like I had a choice? They are mandatory activities!) I've actually enjoyed it very much.... Yesterday's workshop was fun, I've forgotten what it was called now. Thankfully we didn't have to look someone right in the eye and connect with them while dancing! We were encouraged to close or half close our eyes, which enabled me to feel like I could dance and no one was watching..... All sorts of music was played from Monks Chanting, Bollywood, Disco, Reggae, African, Rave (or house, or garage, or club or hip hop?? Who knows?) Pop and Ballet... For an hour and a half flitting around the lovely cool circle forest awakening hall... That felt pretty childlike! There has been a lot of dance this week, including my own solo one in the forest during a walk, while I listened to my Rock Your Run App play Motown in motion Tracks.... Heard it through the grapevine, My Guy, Dancing in the Street, Set me Free why don't you babe, Baby everything is Alright, Ain't no Mountain High enough... To name a few, I couldn't remember the names so I just has a quick listen, on my ear phones, it's noble silence time, and I had a little jig! Pretty frivolous don't u think? And that's breaking the rules too! yay! So My group said I'd achieved both my goals...
Next week, I continue with the writing and I've added a swim 5 days out of the 7... That seemed realistic rather than saying every day, I've had to avoid the pool coz of my eye infection which is almost cleared now, helped by the drops and ointment. Thankfully I didn't need to take antibiotics or anti-inflammatory tablets. So I had a lovely swim this afternoon before dinner, just one other person in the pool, nothing better than floating in cool water gazing up at a clear blue sky.... I say that knowing most of u are huddled in warm jackets looking at a grey sky full of rain clouds.... Ha ha my how I will feel the cold when my plane lands at Heathrow! That will teach me for gloating!
One of the highlights of my day is the early morning walk, leaving here at 6am about 10 minutes before sunrise. When it does boy what a spectacle, a huge red/orange ball rising through the silver mist that kisses the tops of the trees...
My favourite route is past the lotus flower lake, pink, purple and white flowers open as the sun beams down awakening them from their sleep shielded by huge leaves that look like upturned green umbrellas all facing the same direction basking in the sun...
I never realised there were so many shades of green, so many different plants and trees, dainty pink flowers that look like tiny Pom poms with deadly sharp thorns, yellow, white and blue flowers make the sides of the path look like an artists palette splashed with different coloured paints. My one regret is not bringing a decent camera, the iPhone doesn't capture the beauty... The leaves are always heavy with dew first thing and intricate spider webs that glisten like a silver bridal veil... Unspoiled Nature in all it's splendour, nothing man could make would come close which makes me appreciate and reinforces my belief in a Higher Power.
That's enough of all that flowery stuff for now... What can I say? It inspires the poet in me somewhere!
So another busy day over.... Started off with a singing meditation, which I've mentioned before, followed by a Hugging meditation.... Now I like a hug as much as the next person.... But I did initially feel uncomfortable about this... You bow and make eye contact with someone then hug, taking a deep breath becoming aware of your presence, then a second breath to become aware of their presence then a final breath to acknowledge the both of you together, then u bow and hug someone else! I felt sorry for a lot of the guys who had to bend down to reach me shortie that I am! When it came to Uli, my friend from Germany, we both had a little tear in our eye! It was a lovely way to start the morning and to also say goodbye to my friend.... Not sure that it will catch on at home though? Or maybe it will, not all Brits are stiff upper lip types!
Well that's your lot, my little bed is a calling me....
Hugs (can't get enough of em!) Anne x
The only way I know what number day I've reached is the "Sleeps at NLF calendar" Ive drawn which is pinned on my notice board, it has 30 hearts on and each morning I put a little cross in one to show that's another night gone, otherwise I wouldn't have a clue...
My dear friend Uli left today, we arrived together, she is from Germany, almost 50 years old and a mum to 2 adult kids so we had much in common. She had stayed as a volunteer for 12 days. She works as an art therapist and has taken 6 months away from her work as she was feeling exhausted. She has been travelling around Asia, her husband is due to meet up with her in Laos so they can spend some time together. Sad to say goodbye but wished her well.... People come and go all the time. I've struck up a new friendship with Ruth a lady from Israel, she too has 2 adult children and is here volunteering for a short while.
This place is such a melting pot of different characters, ages and cultures. I feel bad as an English person only knowing English.... There are also people here from Holland, Belgium, Japan, China, Norway, France, Guyana, Switzerland and others all speaking excellent English. Then there are Canadians, Americans, Australians, Irish, Scottish and a few English..... Where else would u have such a mix?
We had evaluation of Goals this afternoon. My first goal, to write for an hour a day was achieved no problems.... People were impressed at that, I think it is interesting that something that one person finds difficult another finds simple....
My second goal I didn't think I'd done so well at.... To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.... Firstly it wasn't a SMART goal, certainly not Specific or Measurable... But with the encouragement of my small group they made me realise that I had done some childlike things! (No one mentioned that I threw a tantrum and walked out of the workshop either!) Mainly it's the amount of dance I initially reluctantly took part in (like I had a choice? They are mandatory activities!) I've actually enjoyed it very much.... Yesterday's workshop was fun, I've forgotten what it was called now. Thankfully we didn't have to look someone right in the eye and connect with them while dancing! We were encouraged to close or half close our eyes, which enabled me to feel like I could dance and no one was watching..... All sorts of music was played from Monks Chanting, Bollywood, Disco, Reggae, African, Rave (or house, or garage, or club or hip hop?? Who knows?) Pop and Ballet... For an hour and a half flitting around the lovely cool circle forest awakening hall... That felt pretty childlike! There has been a lot of dance this week, including my own solo one in the forest during a walk, while I listened to my Rock Your Run App play Motown in motion Tracks.... Heard it through the grapevine, My Guy, Dancing in the Street, Set me Free why don't you babe, Baby everything is Alright, Ain't no Mountain High enough... To name a few, I couldn't remember the names so I just has a quick listen, on my ear phones, it's noble silence time, and I had a little jig! Pretty frivolous don't u think? And that's breaking the rules too! yay! So My group said I'd achieved both my goals...
Next week, I continue with the writing and I've added a swim 5 days out of the 7... That seemed realistic rather than saying every day, I've had to avoid the pool coz of my eye infection which is almost cleared now, helped by the drops and ointment. Thankfully I didn't need to take antibiotics or anti-inflammatory tablets. So I had a lovely swim this afternoon before dinner, just one other person in the pool, nothing better than floating in cool water gazing up at a clear blue sky.... I say that knowing most of u are huddled in warm jackets looking at a grey sky full of rain clouds.... Ha ha my how I will feel the cold when my plane lands at Heathrow! That will teach me for gloating!
One of the highlights of my day is the early morning walk, leaving here at 6am about 10 minutes before sunrise. When it does boy what a spectacle, a huge red/orange ball rising through the silver mist that kisses the tops of the trees...
My favourite route is past the lotus flower lake, pink, purple and white flowers open as the sun beams down awakening them from their sleep shielded by huge leaves that look like upturned green umbrellas all facing the same direction basking in the sun...
I never realised there were so many shades of green, so many different plants and trees, dainty pink flowers that look like tiny Pom poms with deadly sharp thorns, yellow, white and blue flowers make the sides of the path look like an artists palette splashed with different coloured paints. My one regret is not bringing a decent camera, the iPhone doesn't capture the beauty... The leaves are always heavy with dew first thing and intricate spider webs that glisten like a silver bridal veil... Unspoiled Nature in all it's splendour, nothing man could make would come close which makes me appreciate and reinforces my belief in a Higher Power.
That's enough of all that flowery stuff for now... What can I say? It inspires the poet in me somewhere!
So another busy day over.... Started off with a singing meditation, which I've mentioned before, followed by a Hugging meditation.... Now I like a hug as much as the next person.... But I did initially feel uncomfortable about this... You bow and make eye contact with someone then hug, taking a deep breath becoming aware of your presence, then a second breath to become aware of their presence then a final breath to acknowledge the both of you together, then u bow and hug someone else! I felt sorry for a lot of the guys who had to bend down to reach me shortie that I am! When it came to Uli, my friend from Germany, we both had a little tear in our eye! It was a lovely way to start the morning and to also say goodbye to my friend.... Not sure that it will catch on at home though? Or maybe it will, not all Brits are stiff upper lip types!
Well that's your lot, my little bed is a calling me....
Hugs (can't get enough of em!) Anne x
Thursday, 16 October 2014
Post no 7
I wrote the post below on Tuesday night, but wasn't able to upload because the internet gets switched off Weds.... Last night I added a very upbeat, newsy post about my glorious morning walks in descriptive language to paint you a picture.... Then somehow??? I lost the lot.... All those words in cyber space.... Not a happy bunny... Fortunately, I had a copy of Tuesday nights post so you will have to make do with that for now.... I bet you glad of the break from the waffle....LoL
I was feeling quite homesick yesterday. An unexpected bonus of my trip is the appreciation of my family, my home and my friends. I realise I am so blessed, many people here live a transient existence travelling from one country to another, and they not all youngsters. They are searching for the elusive something to make their lives complete. They don't have what I already have and like Santiago in The Alchemist I had to leave home to realise that! The grass isn't always greener it's simply different.... Being away gets things in perspective and I am glad to discover that I am on the right road... I still have no idea what's in store for me or what career path I will choose when I return home but I have faith that all will be revealed to me in good time.... All is well, I am exactly where I should be and everything is perfect......
Lovely to hear your messages and news.
Love, light and laughter (more dancing today!!!)
Anne x
Tuesday 14th Oct
Many people here had booked on a weekend retreat with an outside Teacher at the weekend. Shavasti (originally from England, so not his given name) published author (his 6th book is out in March, he informed us) was to lead a 2 day workshop awakening the heart. As so many were enthusiastic about it I thought I'd go along..... A very big (in every sense if the word) interesting character he told us a little of his life story and road to enlightenment. We had to then briefly share a little about ourselves and why we're were both a NLF and his workshop. I sensed a little bristle when I mentioned that I had done a similar 4 day workshop earlier in the year which helped me to feel better about being heart centred, rather than making decisions with my head which I'd always thought was the sensible thing to do!
Some of the exercises were a bit intense, they are called family constellations, working with individuals and their issues. This was nicely interjected with dancing around the room to throw off all the heaviness...
Now here comes the but.... Did u sense one was coming? Late in the afternoon he worked with a woman who had a similar background, age etc to me. Some of the things he said I completely disagreed with, they went against my beliefs and I was angry that this "guru" was so arrogant to state that his way was right and everyone else wrong. Oh boy did that push my buttons!
That was the last exercise of the day, I went to my room straight after seething , so much so I missed dinner and the bonfire which I'd looked forward to. I sat and wrote a very long statement to read out the following morning... One of his rules is that nothing about the workshop is to be discussed outside of the space, when he finished for the day, we were not to approach him to ask any questions, all that was to be done within the group....
So Sunday morning, we made our way the the forest awakening hall, sat in the circle and had to "check in".. My heart was beating super fast as it came around to my turn, as the person next to me spoke I decided not to read out my statement, that would have been very self indulgent and unfair on the other people present who all thought he was great.... So I said, "I'm here to check in to check out, I don't agree with what you said, I am not fearful it's simply not for me so I will leave now" and I did I walked out!
I doubt anyone ever has on him! Later that day I went to the hospital to get my eye sorted. I could have easily given that as an excuse but I felt it was important that I spoke my truth.... I felt elated although I'd been angry and hurt before, I was proud that I had the courage to be honest and stick up for myself!
On reflection I am glad I did it even though I feel there has been a little backlash, but that's okay. He is returning next weekend to carry on with the work. A couple of people have asked if I will go back but I declined, today I shared with the life coach the letter I'd written, she was present at the workshop and a big advocate of Shavasti... Her thought is that I'm scared of facing up to things, unable to accept that my own beliefs are as valid as his and their teachings... In the end I said we had to agree to disagree.
I do not want this one negative experience to spoil everything else or to define my stay. I am proud that I know my own mind enough not to be drawn in or impressed by the hype! It's all very interesting and a timely reminder that the "spiritual" world is as full of ego as everywhere else in life.... Finally, and I think this speaks volumes, when he comes back next week he won't stay at the foundation because the accommodation is not up to the standard he is use to! Case closed me thinks!!!
On a lighter note, one so the activities was singing meditation today. I love to sing and the words to the simple songs are non-religious and remind me of nursery rhymes.... Eg. "Happiness is here and now, I have dropped my worries, nowhere to go, nothing to do, no longer in a hurry...."
Mick one of the guys helping me with my goal to be more childlike, took my hand today and skipped me around the grounds.... I had an ice cream at Mamas with Mark a fellow Brit and also not a fan of Shavasti, he was wise enough not to go on workshop in first place, so I have someone to bitch about it too, not v spiritual I know! Lol!
Then today my v first tuk-tuk ride! What an experience! Inside it had disco lights! While in town I bought some hair conditioning treatment coz it's like straw with heat and humidity, v attractive! I went into Boots with all the familiar brands and they asked for my loyalty card!! I'd left it at home so missed out on my points!
Well that's me for another night. Hope it's not too Victoria Meldrew like!!! Can't believe it's day 9 already....
X
I wrote the post below on Tuesday night, but wasn't able to upload because the internet gets switched off Weds.... Last night I added a very upbeat, newsy post about my glorious morning walks in descriptive language to paint you a picture.... Then somehow??? I lost the lot.... All those words in cyber space.... Not a happy bunny... Fortunately, I had a copy of Tuesday nights post so you will have to make do with that for now.... I bet you glad of the break from the waffle....LoL
I was feeling quite homesick yesterday. An unexpected bonus of my trip is the appreciation of my family, my home and my friends. I realise I am so blessed, many people here live a transient existence travelling from one country to another, and they not all youngsters. They are searching for the elusive something to make their lives complete. They don't have what I already have and like Santiago in The Alchemist I had to leave home to realise that! The grass isn't always greener it's simply different.... Being away gets things in perspective and I am glad to discover that I am on the right road... I still have no idea what's in store for me or what career path I will choose when I return home but I have faith that all will be revealed to me in good time.... All is well, I am exactly where I should be and everything is perfect......
Lovely to hear your messages and news.
Love, light and laughter (more dancing today!!!)
Anne x
Tuesday 14th Oct
Many people here had booked on a weekend retreat with an outside Teacher at the weekend. Shavasti (originally from England, so not his given name) published author (his 6th book is out in March, he informed us) was to lead a 2 day workshop awakening the heart. As so many were enthusiastic about it I thought I'd go along..... A very big (in every sense if the word) interesting character he told us a little of his life story and road to enlightenment. We had to then briefly share a little about ourselves and why we're were both a NLF and his workshop. I sensed a little bristle when I mentioned that I had done a similar 4 day workshop earlier in the year which helped me to feel better about being heart centred, rather than making decisions with my head which I'd always thought was the sensible thing to do!
Some of the exercises were a bit intense, they are called family constellations, working with individuals and their issues. This was nicely interjected with dancing around the room to throw off all the heaviness...
Now here comes the but.... Did u sense one was coming? Late in the afternoon he worked with a woman who had a similar background, age etc to me. Some of the things he said I completely disagreed with, they went against my beliefs and I was angry that this "guru" was so arrogant to state that his way was right and everyone else wrong. Oh boy did that push my buttons!
That was the last exercise of the day, I went to my room straight after seething , so much so I missed dinner and the bonfire which I'd looked forward to. I sat and wrote a very long statement to read out the following morning... One of his rules is that nothing about the workshop is to be discussed outside of the space, when he finished for the day, we were not to approach him to ask any questions, all that was to be done within the group....
So Sunday morning, we made our way the the forest awakening hall, sat in the circle and had to "check in".. My heart was beating super fast as it came around to my turn, as the person next to me spoke I decided not to read out my statement, that would have been very self indulgent and unfair on the other people present who all thought he was great.... So I said, "I'm here to check in to check out, I don't agree with what you said, I am not fearful it's simply not for me so I will leave now" and I did I walked out!
I doubt anyone ever has on him! Later that day I went to the hospital to get my eye sorted. I could have easily given that as an excuse but I felt it was important that I spoke my truth.... I felt elated although I'd been angry and hurt before, I was proud that I had the courage to be honest and stick up for myself!
On reflection I am glad I did it even though I feel there has been a little backlash, but that's okay. He is returning next weekend to carry on with the work. A couple of people have asked if I will go back but I declined, today I shared with the life coach the letter I'd written, she was present at the workshop and a big advocate of Shavasti... Her thought is that I'm scared of facing up to things, unable to accept that my own beliefs are as valid as his and their teachings... In the end I said we had to agree to disagree.
I do not want this one negative experience to spoil everything else or to define my stay. I am proud that I know my own mind enough not to be drawn in or impressed by the hype! It's all very interesting and a timely reminder that the "spiritual" world is as full of ego as everywhere else in life.... Finally, and I think this speaks volumes, when he comes back next week he won't stay at the foundation because the accommodation is not up to the standard he is use to! Case closed me thinks!!!
On a lighter note, one so the activities was singing meditation today. I love to sing and the words to the simple songs are non-religious and remind me of nursery rhymes.... Eg. "Happiness is here and now, I have dropped my worries, nowhere to go, nothing to do, no longer in a hurry...."
Mick one of the guys helping me with my goal to be more childlike, took my hand today and skipped me around the grounds.... I had an ice cream at Mamas with Mark a fellow Brit and also not a fan of Shavasti, he was wise enough not to go on workshop in first place, so I have someone to bitch about it too, not v spiritual I know! Lol!
Then today my v first tuk-tuk ride! What an experience! Inside it had disco lights! While in town I bought some hair conditioning treatment coz it's like straw with heat and humidity, v attractive! I went into Boots with all the familiar brands and they asked for my loyalty card!! I'd left it at home so missed out on my points!
Well that's me for another night. Hope it's not too Victoria Meldrew like!!! Can't believe it's day 9 already....
X
Sunday, 12 October 2014
Post 6:
Sunday 12th
This time last week I was cocooned on a flight headed to Bangkok full of anticipation and more than a little anxious I have to confess! The nature of this place is that after almost a week, and having settled into the flow, I feel like a veteran! Giving guidance to "newcomers" who arrive almost everyday which means others leave, it's a lesson in transient relationships (I stole that phrase from Tara, a lovely young American woman who was particularly kind to me one morning after I'd had a "blubbing" session with life coach. She'd approached me to compliment something I'd share in the women's group about being a mother, I was totally unable to string a sentence together to respond! We laughed about the irony of that after. She's now moved onto someplace else after being here around 10 weeks)
There is a structure here but it is not ridged, I was horrified to learn that sometimes people don't make it to the 6am slot... Not great a breaking the rules....
In addition to the 2 life coach sessions a week there are workshops every afternoon. So far I've been to creative timeline,which is producing a visual representation of your life with the milestones represented by colours and symbols/pictures. The example Sonya shared had lines of different colours which represented the significant people, parents, siblings, partners, children.... Which had I have gone with that method it would of ended up looking like a confused London Underground Map, given my lot and the number of years I've been on the planet! So for a change I planned it out first.. Born 1962 and noted all the years that I remembered something happening of significance there were a lot of births, as I'm oldest of five and have four of my own kiddies so they were represented by pretty pinks and lilacs, then the years that I remembered something sad happening the colours were dark... You get the picture.... So with my draft I took a couple of pieces of A4 and started, ended up using 5 sheets sellotaped together length ways the finished piece, now hanging on my pin board is almost as tall as me! Pars, (an amazingly interesting Swedish guy, late fifties, he's been travelling for the past 4 years) said it was typically British and very creative! How sweet!
Thursday afternoons workshop was way out of comfort zone, Biodanza dance in the forest hall, the aim is to inhabit our body as we are so often disconnected from it!!! Started off in a circle holding hands about 20 people Diana Ross, I'm coming out, and moving to the music, holding hands like a big ring a roses.... Lots of great tracks and different instructions, connect with someone's elbow, head, bum etc reminded me a bit of musical bumps.... Picture if u will a room full of strangers, in the afternoon, not a drop of alcohol consumed to loosen up me hips, lots of amazingly nimble, fit, talented dancers strutting their stuff and me! To be fair, they not all great dancers or even that young.... There's no hiding in a corner! (Especially not in the Forest Hall coz it's round!) you can't get away with it so in the end somehow(?) I just got lifted by the great tunes and had a very joyous fun time.
Which was then slowed right down, we had to lay on the floor, which was heavenly because it was so cool after dancing around for an hour everyone was v hot and sweaty, then an Eva Cassidy track was played followed by "in the arms of an Angel" more blubbing, and I wasn't alone! Thankfully the session ended with everyone in the circle with another great Disco classic... The power of music to create moods and tap into feelings and emotions is incredible!
So on Thurs I had a 40 min brisk walk, and hour and half of dancing and a swim, all this physical exercise (well it's a lot for me, boy am I so glad I worked with the lovely Angela to improve my fitness before I came here) unfortunately still not helping with the sleeping....
On Friday a group of us went into the nearest Town, Chaing Rai. Brian a long term volunteer ordered a couple of San-Taos(no idea how to spell?) which are sort of minibuses with bench seats running lengthwise and a couple of grab rails on the outside at the back that people (not not me!) hold onto if it's full up inside. It's a set cost for the bus so the more people on board the cheaper the fare is to each person... Seat belts? What are they? Lol! The journey was an experience in itself.
Once we were dropped off I went along to a meeting with a few of the guys then wandered around the street market, so many interesting things to look at. What I was most surprised and grateful for was that no one calls out to you, pounces on if you stop and look at a stall, that makes me feel so uncomfortable. I get so panicked about the haggling thing too.... I was in search of a towel a store/stall had some brightly coloured ones hanging up, I asked how much, 500bht, a bit more than I expected (around £10) but I needed one and it was a lovely purple so I gave her 500 and she gave me 400 back! I'd misheard her so the towel cost less that £2...
I walked around the food part of the market a few times, lots of interesting things to look at, some not so appetising like fried crickets and other insects! I played safe and had a dish of Pad Thai, noodles, chicken and egg. It was tasty and cheap. I had to answer a call of nature while I was there, which was an experience.... You pay 2bht and have to take your own loo roll in, fortunately I had tissues, those of you who are well travelled may not of been as surprised as I was at what was inside... Squat loos, a bucket of water and a jug is how u flush!! There were no hooks for bags, the floor was wet, I hope with the water from the bucket but not everyone had a good aim so maybe not clean water! I was wearing white linen trousers, which I tried to pull up towards my knees to prevent the bottoms getting wet but then also had to pull them and me knickers down and forward in order to squat above the hole while balancing several bags to pee!!! I won't suggest u picture that, it could put up off your dinner! Next time.... Well I vow there won't be a next time, on way back I told one of the girls, oh you don't want to use those, she helpfully said a bit late though! Have to see the funny side, well I giggled to myself at how ridiculous I must of looked! At least there was a door, something to be grateful for!
Well that's me hour of writing up! Am tired this evening after an adventure of a different kind today. a more civilised trip into town by taxi to local hospital, I have conjunctivitis (thank goodness for spell check!) I woke up with a red weepy eye on Saturday which got worse and is clearly infected. Got to hospital, a lovely ornate building, spotlessly clean, outside space with fountains and a children's play area. I was checked in right away by receptionist that spoke good English, observations taken, examined by doctor, diagnosed and reassured that v common condition because of Change in climate, was prescribed eye drops, ointment, antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills (a bit OTT) and I'm thinking how much is this going to cost?? The bill presented on an invoice in English with the medication came to 695 bht that's less than £14!!! At home the medication alone would cost £32 at £8 per item and I'd probably be still waiting to be seen!! I asked for them to call a taxi, the lovely girl from the pharmacy walked me through the corridors of the hospital and showed me where to wait.... I was outside after less than 15 minutes!
That example of the difference between our two countries will make me depressed if I dwell on it too much, but it makes you think!!
Time to have fun putting in my drops.....
Namaste x
Sunday 12th
This time last week I was cocooned on a flight headed to Bangkok full of anticipation and more than a little anxious I have to confess! The nature of this place is that after almost a week, and having settled into the flow, I feel like a veteran! Giving guidance to "newcomers" who arrive almost everyday which means others leave, it's a lesson in transient relationships (I stole that phrase from Tara, a lovely young American woman who was particularly kind to me one morning after I'd had a "blubbing" session with life coach. She'd approached me to compliment something I'd share in the women's group about being a mother, I was totally unable to string a sentence together to respond! We laughed about the irony of that after. She's now moved onto someplace else after being here around 10 weeks)
There is a structure here but it is not ridged, I was horrified to learn that sometimes people don't make it to the 6am slot... Not great a breaking the rules....
In addition to the 2 life coach sessions a week there are workshops every afternoon. So far I've been to creative timeline,which is producing a visual representation of your life with the milestones represented by colours and symbols/pictures. The example Sonya shared had lines of different colours which represented the significant people, parents, siblings, partners, children.... Which had I have gone with that method it would of ended up looking like a confused London Underground Map, given my lot and the number of years I've been on the planet! So for a change I planned it out first.. Born 1962 and noted all the years that I remembered something happening of significance there were a lot of births, as I'm oldest of five and have four of my own kiddies so they were represented by pretty pinks and lilacs, then the years that I remembered something sad happening the colours were dark... You get the picture.... So with my draft I took a couple of pieces of A4 and started, ended up using 5 sheets sellotaped together length ways the finished piece, now hanging on my pin board is almost as tall as me! Pars, (an amazingly interesting Swedish guy, late fifties, he's been travelling for the past 4 years) said it was typically British and very creative! How sweet!
Thursday afternoons workshop was way out of comfort zone, Biodanza dance in the forest hall, the aim is to inhabit our body as we are so often disconnected from it!!! Started off in a circle holding hands about 20 people Diana Ross, I'm coming out, and moving to the music, holding hands like a big ring a roses.... Lots of great tracks and different instructions, connect with someone's elbow, head, bum etc reminded me a bit of musical bumps.... Picture if u will a room full of strangers, in the afternoon, not a drop of alcohol consumed to loosen up me hips, lots of amazingly nimble, fit, talented dancers strutting their stuff and me! To be fair, they not all great dancers or even that young.... There's no hiding in a corner! (Especially not in the Forest Hall coz it's round!) you can't get away with it so in the end somehow(?) I just got lifted by the great tunes and had a very joyous fun time.
Which was then slowed right down, we had to lay on the floor, which was heavenly because it was so cool after dancing around for an hour everyone was v hot and sweaty, then an Eva Cassidy track was played followed by "in the arms of an Angel" more blubbing, and I wasn't alone! Thankfully the session ended with everyone in the circle with another great Disco classic... The power of music to create moods and tap into feelings and emotions is incredible!
So on Thurs I had a 40 min brisk walk, and hour and half of dancing and a swim, all this physical exercise (well it's a lot for me, boy am I so glad I worked with the lovely Angela to improve my fitness before I came here) unfortunately still not helping with the sleeping....
On Friday a group of us went into the nearest Town, Chaing Rai. Brian a long term volunteer ordered a couple of San-Taos(no idea how to spell?) which are sort of minibuses with bench seats running lengthwise and a couple of grab rails on the outside at the back that people (not not me!) hold onto if it's full up inside. It's a set cost for the bus so the more people on board the cheaper the fare is to each person... Seat belts? What are they? Lol! The journey was an experience in itself.
Once we were dropped off I went along to a meeting with a few of the guys then wandered around the street market, so many interesting things to look at. What I was most surprised and grateful for was that no one calls out to you, pounces on if you stop and look at a stall, that makes me feel so uncomfortable. I get so panicked about the haggling thing too.... I was in search of a towel a store/stall had some brightly coloured ones hanging up, I asked how much, 500bht, a bit more than I expected (around £10) but I needed one and it was a lovely purple so I gave her 500 and she gave me 400 back! I'd misheard her so the towel cost less that £2...
I walked around the food part of the market a few times, lots of interesting things to look at, some not so appetising like fried crickets and other insects! I played safe and had a dish of Pad Thai, noodles, chicken and egg. It was tasty and cheap. I had to answer a call of nature while I was there, which was an experience.... You pay 2bht and have to take your own loo roll in, fortunately I had tissues, those of you who are well travelled may not of been as surprised as I was at what was inside... Squat loos, a bucket of water and a jug is how u flush!! There were no hooks for bags, the floor was wet, I hope with the water from the bucket but not everyone had a good aim so maybe not clean water! I was wearing white linen trousers, which I tried to pull up towards my knees to prevent the bottoms getting wet but then also had to pull them and me knickers down and forward in order to squat above the hole while balancing several bags to pee!!! I won't suggest u picture that, it could put up off your dinner! Next time.... Well I vow there won't be a next time, on way back I told one of the girls, oh you don't want to use those, she helpfully said a bit late though! Have to see the funny side, well I giggled to myself at how ridiculous I must of looked! At least there was a door, something to be grateful for!
Well that's me hour of writing up! Am tired this evening after an adventure of a different kind today. a more civilised trip into town by taxi to local hospital, I have conjunctivitis (thank goodness for spell check!) I woke up with a red weepy eye on Saturday which got worse and is clearly infected. Got to hospital, a lovely ornate building, spotlessly clean, outside space with fountains and a children's play area. I was checked in right away by receptionist that spoke good English, observations taken, examined by doctor, diagnosed and reassured that v common condition because of Change in climate, was prescribed eye drops, ointment, antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills (a bit OTT) and I'm thinking how much is this going to cost?? The bill presented on an invoice in English with the medication came to 695 bht that's less than £14!!! At home the medication alone would cost £32 at £8 per item and I'd probably be still waiting to be seen!! I asked for them to call a taxi, the lovely girl from the pharmacy walked me through the corridors of the hospital and showed me where to wait.... I was outside after less than 15 minutes!
That example of the difference between our two countries will make me depressed if I dwell on it too much, but it makes you think!!
Time to have fun putting in my drops.....
Namaste x
Friday, 10 October 2014
Day 5 Friday
Still struggling with Jet Lag, those who know me well know I'm not a great sleeper at best of times, but after finishing writing last night at 11pm I made a hot drink, read, listened to a guided meditation on headphones, read some more and was still awake at 1.30am then started to panic because even I were to fall asleep right away that would only give me 4 hours sleep! As it was I did sleep until 4am then laid waiting for the gong at 5.30am, totally exhausted and finally ready to go off into a deep sleep.... But of course I got up like a good girl and walked to the forest hall, past the misty lake, sun not yet up, for meditation group. Sitting for 2 times 20 minutes of silent meditation a break of 5 mins in between for a stretch.... It's not so comfortable otherwise I would of fell asleep! A quick shower then breakfast before community meeting at 8am when, once the gong has been struck, u can speak!
I had a life coaching session at 9am, which was emotional, picture if u will, me with a snotty nose crying a bucket load of "healing" tears.... Oh yes that's the work, it maybe paradise but that comes at a cost, one I choose to pay, far far removed from my comfort zone, so yes tears have been shed, I expected nothing less! After that I wasn't able to face my working meditation which is currently sewing the dozens of cushions in need to repair because of wear and tear and RAT damage! Yes you read that right, they have been taking the filling for their nests, I've yet to see one, but it did see a little frog this morning in the Forest hall, unbeknown to me he'd kept me company during the meditation, as I picked up my coccyx cushion ( with the U shape at the top) he was sitting in the U, I remained calm and restrained and kept my noble silence, poor thing he'd had the pleasure of a v close connection with my bottom for 40 mins!
Oops, there I go, off on a tangent! So no work for me after the blubbing session, I decided to be gentle with myself and come to my room for a rest, I set alarm for an hour and had a nap.... If the alarm hadn't woken me I reckon I could of slept through but I had cushions to sew and then lunch.....
Following lunch there was a goal setting and evaluation workshop, each resident sets SMART( Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic & Timely) goals, this is a standard practice used in business a lot.... You work in groups of 5 to support each other with making the goals and feedback. As it was my first time, I only had to set goals....
Which are:
1. To write for 1 hour a night for blog
2. To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.
When setting them they seemed like a good idea.... But I'd of preferred to have gone straight to bed after shower tonight, but I couldn't go back on commitment on the first day, so here's no 1....
Number 2 on the other hand is going to be something more of a challenge!!! I've no idea how I can measure it either! And when I say childlike of course I don't mean the cry baby behaviour from earlier following life coach session, I mean just silly innocent giggly fun.... I've spent too long being serious, I feel I am in danger of becoming a dull middle aged woman, when u dear reader know just how funny I can be ( well mildly amusing I hope???) at least on paper (or screen!) it's a confidence thing and something for me to work on, yep there's a long list! (By the way, I promise I'm not fishing for compliments, so please do not feel u need to reassure my bruised ego by saying what a laugh I am! That's not the purpose of sharing this with you)
So they are my goals for this week and I have at least achieved number one for today in a measurable way... Tomorrow, the weekend, a visiting Shaman will be awakening me heart, that's going to take all day Saturday and Sunday... And the blurb promises it's going to be fun, a sing-a-long around the bonfire in the woods to look forward to tomorrow night, many talented musicians here. But will be back here tapping away the next instalment tomorrow night, coz noble silence carries on regardless, 9.30pm all quiet.....
Yawn zzzzzz xxx
Still struggling with Jet Lag, those who know me well know I'm not a great sleeper at best of times, but after finishing writing last night at 11pm I made a hot drink, read, listened to a guided meditation on headphones, read some more and was still awake at 1.30am then started to panic because even I were to fall asleep right away that would only give me 4 hours sleep! As it was I did sleep until 4am then laid waiting for the gong at 5.30am, totally exhausted and finally ready to go off into a deep sleep.... But of course I got up like a good girl and walked to the forest hall, past the misty lake, sun not yet up, for meditation group. Sitting for 2 times 20 minutes of silent meditation a break of 5 mins in between for a stretch.... It's not so comfortable otherwise I would of fell asleep! A quick shower then breakfast before community meeting at 8am when, once the gong has been struck, u can speak!
I had a life coaching session at 9am, which was emotional, picture if u will, me with a snotty nose crying a bucket load of "healing" tears.... Oh yes that's the work, it maybe paradise but that comes at a cost, one I choose to pay, far far removed from my comfort zone, so yes tears have been shed, I expected nothing less! After that I wasn't able to face my working meditation which is currently sewing the dozens of cushions in need to repair because of wear and tear and RAT damage! Yes you read that right, they have been taking the filling for their nests, I've yet to see one, but it did see a little frog this morning in the Forest hall, unbeknown to me he'd kept me company during the meditation, as I picked up my coccyx cushion ( with the U shape at the top) he was sitting in the U, I remained calm and restrained and kept my noble silence, poor thing he'd had the pleasure of a v close connection with my bottom for 40 mins!
Oops, there I go, off on a tangent! So no work for me after the blubbing session, I decided to be gentle with myself and come to my room for a rest, I set alarm for an hour and had a nap.... If the alarm hadn't woken me I reckon I could of slept through but I had cushions to sew and then lunch.....
Following lunch there was a goal setting and evaluation workshop, each resident sets SMART( Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic & Timely) goals, this is a standard practice used in business a lot.... You work in groups of 5 to support each other with making the goals and feedback. As it was my first time, I only had to set goals....
Which are:
1. To write for 1 hour a night for blog
2. To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.
When setting them they seemed like a good idea.... But I'd of preferred to have gone straight to bed after shower tonight, but I couldn't go back on commitment on the first day, so here's no 1....
Number 2 on the other hand is going to be something more of a challenge!!! I've no idea how I can measure it either! And when I say childlike of course I don't mean the cry baby behaviour from earlier following life coach session, I mean just silly innocent giggly fun.... I've spent too long being serious, I feel I am in danger of becoming a dull middle aged woman, when u dear reader know just how funny I can be ( well mildly amusing I hope???) at least on paper (or screen!) it's a confidence thing and something for me to work on, yep there's a long list! (By the way, I promise I'm not fishing for compliments, so please do not feel u need to reassure my bruised ego by saying what a laugh I am! That's not the purpose of sharing this with you)
So they are my goals for this week and I have at least achieved number one for today in a measurable way... Tomorrow, the weekend, a visiting Shaman will be awakening me heart, that's going to take all day Saturday and Sunday... And the blurb promises it's going to be fun, a sing-a-long around the bonfire in the woods to look forward to tomorrow night, many talented musicians here. But will be back here tapping away the next instalment tomorrow night, coz noble silence carries on regardless, 9.30pm all quiet.....
Yawn zzzzzz xxx
Day 5 Friday
Still struggling with Jet Lag, those who know me well know I'm not a great sleeper at best of times, but after finishing writing last night at 11pm I made a hot drink, read, listened to a guided meditation on headphones, read some more and was still awake at 1.30am then started to panic because even I were to fall asleep right away that would only give me 4 hours sleep! As it was I did sleep until 4am then laid waiting for the gong at 5.30am, totally exhausted and finally ready to go off into a deep sleep.... But of course I got up like a good girl and walked to the forest hall, past the misty lake, sun not yet up, for meditation group. Sitting for 2 times 20 minutes of silent meditation a break of 5 mins in between for a stretch.... It's not so comfortable otherwise I would of fell asleep! A quick shower then breakfast before community meeting at 8am when, once the gong has been struck, u can speak!
I had a life coaching session at 9am, which was emotional, picture if u will, me with a snotty nose crying a bucket load of "healing" tears.... Oh yes that's the work, it maybe paradise but that comes at a cost, one I choose to pay, far far removed from my comfort zone, so yes tears have been shed, I expected nothing less! After that I wasn't able to face my working meditation which is currently sewing the dozens of cushions in need to repair because of wear and tear and RAT damage! Yes you read that right, they have been taking the filling for their nests, I've yet to see one, but it did see a little frog this morning in the Forest hall, unbeknown to me he'd kept me company during the meditation, as I picked up my coccyx cushion ( with the U shape at the top) he was sitting in the U, I remained calm and restrained and kept my noble silence, poor thing he'd had the pleasure of a v close connection with my bottom for 40 mins!
Oops, there I go, off on a tangent! So no work for me after the blubbing session, I decided to be gentle with myself and come to my room for a rest, I set alarm for an hour and had a nap.... If the alarm hadn't woken me I reckon I could of slept through but I had cushions to sew and then lunch.....
Following lunch there was a goal setting and evaluation workshop, each resident sets SMART( Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic & Timely) goals, this is a standard practice used in business a lot.... You work in groups of 5 to support each other with making the goals and feedback. As it was my first time, I only had to set goals....
Which are:
1. To write for 1 hour a night for blog
2. To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.
When setting them they seemed like a good idea.... But I'd of preferred to have gone straight to bed after shower tonight, but I couldn't go back on commitment on the first day, so here's no 1....
Number 2 on the other hand is going to be something more of a challenge!!! I've no idea how I can measure it either! And when I say childlike of course I don't mean the cry baby behaviour from earlier following life coach session, I mean just silly innocent giggly fun.... I've spent too long being serious, I feel I am in danger of becoming a dull middle aged woman, when u dear reader know just how funny I can be ( well mildly amusing I hope???) at least on paper (or screen!) it's a confidence thing and something for me to work on, yep there's a long list! (By the way, I promise I'm not fishing for compliments, so please do not feel u need to reassure my bruised ego by saying what a laugh I am! That's not the purpose of sharing this with you)
So they are my goals for this week and I have at least achieved number one for today in a measurable way... Tomorrow, the weekend, a visiting Shaman will be awakening me heart, that's going to take all day Saturday and Sunday... And the blurb promises it's going to be fun, a sing-a-long around the bonfire in the woods to look forward to tomorrow night, many talented musicians here. But will be back here tapping away the next instalment tomorrow night, coz noble silence carries on regardless, 9.30pm all quiet.....
Yawn zzzzzz xxx
Still struggling with Jet Lag, those who know me well know I'm not a great sleeper at best of times, but after finishing writing last night at 11pm I made a hot drink, read, listened to a guided meditation on headphones, read some more and was still awake at 1.30am then started to panic because even I were to fall asleep right away that would only give me 4 hours sleep! As it was I did sleep until 4am then laid waiting for the gong at 5.30am, totally exhausted and finally ready to go off into a deep sleep.... But of course I got up like a good girl and walked to the forest hall, past the misty lake, sun not yet up, for meditation group. Sitting for 2 times 20 minutes of silent meditation a break of 5 mins in between for a stretch.... It's not so comfortable otherwise I would of fell asleep! A quick shower then breakfast before community meeting at 8am when, once the gong has been struck, u can speak!
I had a life coaching session at 9am, which was emotional, picture if u will, me with a snotty nose crying a bucket load of "healing" tears.... Oh yes that's the work, it maybe paradise but that comes at a cost, one I choose to pay, far far removed from my comfort zone, so yes tears have been shed, I expected nothing less! After that I wasn't able to face my working meditation which is currently sewing the dozens of cushions in need to repair because of wear and tear and RAT damage! Yes you read that right, they have been taking the filling for their nests, I've yet to see one, but it did see a little frog this morning in the Forest hall, unbeknown to me he'd kept me company during the meditation, as I picked up my coccyx cushion ( with the U shape at the top) he was sitting in the U, I remained calm and restrained and kept my noble silence, poor thing he'd had the pleasure of a v close connection with my bottom for 40 mins!
Oops, there I go, off on a tangent! So no work for me after the blubbing session, I decided to be gentle with myself and come to my room for a rest, I set alarm for an hour and had a nap.... If the alarm hadn't woken me I reckon I could of slept through but I had cushions to sew and then lunch.....
Following lunch there was a goal setting and evaluation workshop, each resident sets SMART( Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic & Timely) goals, this is a standard practice used in business a lot.... You work in groups of 5 to support each other with making the goals and feedback. As it was my first time, I only had to set goals....
Which are:
1. To write for 1 hour a night for blog
2. To be more frivolous, childlike and joyful.
When setting them they seemed like a good idea.... But I'd of preferred to have gone straight to bed after shower tonight, but I couldn't go back on commitment on the first day, so here's no 1....
Number 2 on the other hand is going to be something more of a challenge!!! I've no idea how I can measure it either! And when I say childlike of course I don't mean the cry baby behaviour from earlier following life coach session, I mean just silly innocent giggly fun.... I've spent too long being serious, I feel I am in danger of becoming a dull middle aged woman, when u dear reader know just how funny I can be ( well mildly amusing I hope???) at least on paper (or screen!) it's a confidence thing and something for me to work on, yep there's a long list! (By the way, I promise I'm not fishing for compliments, so please do not feel u need to reassure my bruised ego by saying what a laugh I am! That's not the purpose of sharing this with you)
So they are my goals for this week and I have at least achieved number one for today in a measurable way... Tomorrow, the weekend, a visiting Shaman will be awakening me heart, that's going to take all day Saturday and Sunday... And the blurb promises it's going to be fun, a sing-a-long around the bonfire in the woods to look forward to tomorrow night, many talented musicians here. But will be back here tapping away the next instalment tomorrow night, coz noble silence carries on regardless, 9.30pm all quiet.....
Yawn zzzzzz xxx
Thursday, 9 October 2014
No 4
Thursday 9th October
Day 4 at the New Life Foundation (to be said in a Gordie accent, like Big Brother! Go on, indulge me.....)
Left Colchester 6am Sunday Morning, arrived at Chaing Rai airport 10am Monday morning (local time 6 hours ahead of UK) I was actually travelling 22 hours so as I sat in the comfy taxi for the half hour journey to New Life Foundation (from now on NLF) I was sleepy, we drove past fields of green with isolated little men on foot with huge sun hats tending the crops, no machinery in sight, it was in the villages that the cows and chickens seemed to be wandering free by the road side unattended, no fences to keep them safe, it seems they don't waste their precious fields on livestock... I had a small map and directions in Thai from the website but the cab office at airport knew where the foundation was, I paid the fare to the office up front as requested 500bht that's 100bht less than the website had estimated, total cost in sterling £9.50, for a half hour ride no traffic so quite a distance and he carried my luggage to the door and bowed! You can just imagine that happening at home can't you!
Two ladies, Madeline and Katie greeted me like an old friend, the programme starts now said Madeline, so please remove your shoes when inside.... So that's why there was a chaotic pile of flip flops outside the door! Oops.... Now I'm on day 4, I start off wearing them but as I go from building to building I forget which door I left them at so end up walking bare feet most of time, which apparently means I'm settled in, although after the Thai field workers captured a Cobra snake this afternoon, I will make sure I keep something on me feet crossing the grass!!! ( no they didn't kill the snake, captured and let it go somewhere "safe"! They are Buddhists, slippery dangerous snake or not)
There was quite a bit of paperwork to complete then Katie, a lovely young Irish girl, showed me to my room, No4... I was given one tiny toilet roll to start me off, then I have to purchase my own for 5bht that's less than 10p... I had a couple of hours to unpack before lunch, Goodness I bought so much stuff!! I don't just mean clothes.... Im definitely an "older" traveller no getting away from it... I've a special memory foam orthopaedic cushion with a gap at the back for me poorly coccyx (which makes sitting a problem so I was v grateful for it on the flight) during the flight I wore flight socks in case of thrombosis, they were a struggle to get on I can tell you, especially with my calves! I've a shed load of medication, creams potions and pills for any kind of ailment u can think of, including constipation and diarrhoea ( who knows how my bowels will react to a vegetarian Thai diet?... So far so good!) I've already started handing meds out, the wise old woman with the drugs, to people with ailments without any.... I also have a special Physio strap contraption and tubeigrip bandage for my tennis elbow (not that I've played tennis since school!) Of course I have a kettle with lots of fruit teas, hot choc sachets, cappuccino sachets, coffee and coffeemate, an iron, hair dryer lots of books including "The age of miracles, embracing the new midlife" plus several others, that's without the load I've on my kindle app (including the St James Bible), plus audio books, novels and more self help stuff and guided meditations plus of course lots if easy listening tunes, 6 pairs of flip flops and sandals ( which maybe wise as I keep losing them!) and of course lots of clothes for all occasions incl a PAC a Mac, (yep u did read that right, it's the end of rainy season so I'm prepared in case) 3 swimming costumes, sun hats, sarongs, over a dozen pairs of knickers.... You get the picture.... Lots of stuff, but I am here for 30 days was my rationale when I packed the case at home... did I mention a mirror, a framed photo of me kiddies, a pack of playing cards and my Angel reading cards, 3 torches and a couple packets of spare batteries..... Oh yes I'm well prepared!!
Lunch was great, not sure what a lot of it was but it was tasty vegetarian fare, still don't know what a lot of it is, the Thai cooks come in everyday to prepare... Most of it is grown/produced here, the veggies, fruit, even the rice. The ducks produce the eggs and cows milk, butter, cheese and yogurt.. It's truly amazing and makes u appreciate the food chain, at home we are so disconnected from the stuff in plastic trays we buy in supermarkets... As I type I'm finishing off some dragon fruit and melon, it was picked yesterday by either a resident or volunteer, the whole community help to make this sustainable....it's truly amazing how they make it work.... I guess the chilled atmosphere and the sunshine helps.....
So first day I was given a tour, the foundation is based on 65 acres of land, there is a temple just outside opposite the gate and a cute outdoor cafe called Mamas that sells food, (meat if u need protein, it's totally your choice if u eat meat or fish here, u can buy and cook it yourself in the kitchen if u like, there are no strict rules about that kind of thing! I haven't felt the need yet) and ice creams, they also do massage and your laundry cheap, (30bht a bag less than 60p) their free wifi is faster than NLF and doesn't get switched off like it does here, (none on Weds) so many people congregate there, especially the smokers!
People staying here are friendly, smiley and helpful, I'm not the oldest one here as I feared I would be! Even the doggies are chilled and friendly! After evening meal there was a women's circle meeting, sitting on cushions in a circle in a room lit by candles with flowers strewn on the floor lots of bowing, meditating and sharing, it was v moving I felt a bit emotional, but by then I'd been "up" about 30 hours so no wonder really, I'd tried to rest a little in the afternoon but couldn't switch off... I was glad of the torch (I may need 3! Actually I've given one away already!) walking back to room coz it is totally dark and the paths are a bit hazardous! I had my second shower of the day and slipped into bed, glad that I opted to pay for an extra mattress (£30 for the 30 days) because the "beds" are like wooden planks, the mattress that is supplied is about 2 inches thick, I've already mentioned my poorly back haven't I? You'll be fed up hearing about it by the end of this! Lol! Not as much as I am managing it though, not forgetting the tennis elbow as well! Just imagine how sore my bum gets with all that sitting on the floor and meditating! Good job I have built in padding! How glad am I for that, plus of course my special cushion which comes everywhere with me!
As I posted on Facebook I didn't sleep much that first night, although it was my first proper day, I was allowed to miss the first activity of the day at 6am, (which was either yoga, meditation, tai chi or a meditation walk) because of jet lag. But I was still awake to hear the gong at 5.30am, which wakes the community, as I was awake I decided to go to breakfast at 7am, noble silence is observed until the community meeting (more sitting on aforesaid bum) at 8am.... It is then that new people are welcomed and people that are leaving say goodbye, currently I think there must be about 40 people staying here (apart from the outside thai staff) that includes, staff, volunteers and residents( that's me). Issues are discussed, news exchanged, expressions of gratitude are shared, info about the days workshops is read and the work schedule is given out... Everyone is included....
Lots more to write, but I don't want to bore u my friend and besides it's sleepy time for me, the gong will go off at 5.30am and it's now 11pm... Lovely to hear your feedback, forgive me if I don't get around to responding right away, the internet is a bit unpredictable and the day is pretty full on and emotionally draining, but don't get the impression it's hard coz it's truly like paradise, which was the exact word,I thought during my swim this afternoon before dinner, as I watched everyone, happily chilling out, accompanied by one very talented guy on guitar singing (Matt, leaving next week after an extended stay here, off to busk around Australia-As u do!)....
Signing off now, love, light (still got 2 torches) and laughter
A xxxx
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
Number 3...
Tuesday 7th Oct 20.30
Heathrow to Bangkok... The flight.
It's been so long since I flew long haul I'd forgotten what a more civilised way to travel it is... A world of difference to the cattle trucks of Easyjet, Ryan Air et al... Even economy class on Thai Airlines has more leg room, little pillows and warm fleecy blankets, lots of interactive TV, movies and games, drinks on tap and lots of little snacks and meals on a tray with cute tiny containers containing lots of tasty things to eat.... I was v fortunate to have a row of three seats to myself, the plane wasn't full so lots of space for people to spread out, no one to disturb for my frequent loo breaks coz of copious amounts of water I was drinking (just had one tiny glass of red wine with dinner)... The staff were all beautiful, not just the women, and very smiling and courteous.
I watched 2 movies, Noah and Blended, have to say I enjoyed the second one more I had a silly grin on my face practically throughout... Rom com, Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, and guess what? Yep, they all lived happily ever after! Predictable light hearted and fun!
About 8 hours into the journey, flying over India, the lights were very dim, most people seemed to be sleeping, I was listening to "relaxation piano tunes" on the headphones, the music of James Taylor and I started to cry..... Not tears of sadness, fear or anxiety, they flowed down my cheeks, I was grateful for the darkness.... It took a while to process why? I wondered if being high in the clouds meant I felt closer to Heaven and my Higher power? Being in that womb like environment I suddenly felt conscious of my "inner child" that little girl I've carried in my heart always but whose needs until recently been ignored... She had stayed a little broken because of difficulties during childhood and despite many many hours of various kinds of therapy, workshops, dozens of self help books, pain and prayer over the years, it was at that moment she (my little Annie) felted heard and loved.... Yay! The tears were of gratitude, full of love and the outcome of this adventure isn't as important as the intention to heal, listen and love her to complete wholeness... My fragmented heart was being healed, all the c**p that has happened, particularly this past year, which at times felt impossible to recover from, was being soothed and loved to completeness... I could visualise it and it was like the CGI effects at the beginning of the movie Noah... Wow!
Ok... I did warn you there would be deepness! Lol!
What a profound experience and one I was only now truly ready for.... The reason for my journey to a "recovery" retreat revealed... In a sense I guess a lot of the work was done in the clouds before the plane landed.... Although I suspect that was the peeling of the first layer of this onion.....
Now before u think I have lost my mind, or indeed the last couple of paragraphs confirms what u aways believed.... That's absolutely fine.... I'm am attempting to "live" all those quotes that I constantly post on Facebook! It's quite easy to read something, like and share on your timeline, but it's quite something else to endeavour to live them... Not just talking the talk also walking the walk... I could edit out the parts that may make "uncomfortable" reading. But I choose not to... This is authentic Anne, as I said before you have the delete button! If it does make u feel uncomfortable (not my intention) then perhaps you could ask yourself why??
I find it so interesting that some peoples perception of me is that I am "brave".... My first day here and following the women's circle group, it was said again... All I did was speak from my heart or "waffle" as I usually call it! How is that brave? To speak my truth? It feels easier that to pretend or lie....Although I know while we all say we want honesty, we rarely want to hear the complete truth... Especially if we ask "does my bum look big in this?" A question I never ask coz I know mine is! Lol...
My next entry will be about this amazing place, which is everything I could have hoped for and more..... I do hope you stay with me.... Hopefully it will also include pics if I can work the technology!
If u got to the end, thank you xx
Heathrow to Bangkok... The flight.
It's been so long since I flew long haul I'd forgotten what a more civilised way to travel it is... A world of difference to the cattle trucks of Easyjet, Ryan Air et al... Even economy class on Thai Airlines has more leg room, little pillows and warm fleecy blankets, lots of interactive TV, movies and games, drinks on tap and lots of little snacks and meals on a tray with cute tiny containers containing lots of tasty things to eat.... I was v fortunate to have a row of three seats to myself, the plane wasn't full so lots of space for people to spread out, no one to disturb for my frequent loo breaks coz of copious amounts of water I was drinking (just had one tiny glass of red wine with dinner)... The staff were all beautiful, not just the women, and very smiling and courteous.
I watched 2 movies, Noah and Blended, have to say I enjoyed the second one more I had a silly grin on my face practically throughout... Rom com, Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, and guess what? Yep, they all lived happily ever after! Predictable light hearted and fun!
About 8 hours into the journey, flying over India, the lights were very dim, most people seemed to be sleeping, I was listening to "relaxation piano tunes" on the headphones, the music of James Taylor and I started to cry..... Not tears of sadness, fear or anxiety, they flowed down my cheeks, I was grateful for the darkness.... It took a while to process why? I wondered if being high in the clouds meant I felt closer to Heaven and my Higher power? Being in that womb like environment I suddenly felt conscious of my "inner child" that little girl I've carried in my heart always but whose needs until recently been ignored... She had stayed a little broken because of difficulties during childhood and despite many many hours of various kinds of therapy, workshops, dozens of self help books, pain and prayer over the years, it was at that moment she (my little Annie) felted heard and loved.... Yay! The tears were of gratitude, full of love and the outcome of this adventure isn't as important as the intention to heal, listen and love her to complete wholeness... My fragmented heart was being healed, all the c**p that has happened, particularly this past year, which at times felt impossible to recover from, was being soothed and loved to completeness... I could visualise it and it was like the CGI effects at the beginning of the movie Noah... Wow!
Ok... I did warn you there would be deepness! Lol!
What a profound experience and one I was only now truly ready for.... The reason for my journey to a "recovery" retreat revealed... In a sense I guess a lot of the work was done in the clouds before the plane landed.... Although I suspect that was the peeling of the first layer of this onion.....
Now before u think I have lost my mind, or indeed the last couple of paragraphs confirms what u aways believed.... That's absolutely fine.... I'm am attempting to "live" all those quotes that I constantly post on Facebook! It's quite easy to read something, like and share on your timeline, but it's quite something else to endeavour to live them... Not just talking the talk also walking the walk... I could edit out the parts that may make "uncomfortable" reading. But I choose not to... This is authentic Anne, as I said before you have the delete button! If it does make u feel uncomfortable (not my intention) then perhaps you could ask yourself why??
I find it so interesting that some peoples perception of me is that I am "brave".... My first day here and following the women's circle group, it was said again... All I did was speak from my heart or "waffle" as I usually call it! How is that brave? To speak my truth? It feels easier that to pretend or lie....Although I know while we all say we want honesty, we rarely want to hear the complete truth... Especially if we ask "does my bum look big in this?" A question I never ask coz I know mine is! Lol...
My next entry will be about this amazing place, which is everything I could have hoped for and more..... I do hope you stay with me.... Hopefully it will also include pics if I can work the technology!
If u got to the end, thank you xx
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Why a Road Never Travelled?
As
well as a metaphor for this point in my life, taking time to care for my needs,
it also has a literal meaning. Each day I am walking a road (or pavement) to
improved health and wellbeing that can only be achieved by regular exercise and
improved nutrition, this is a road I have never really travelled...
This
is an excerpt from an email I sent to Angela my personal trainer on 22nd
August.
I am a 52 year old woman, medically
obese and unfit. Although I'm happy to say my cholesterol levels & blood
pressure are low and I have never smoked.
I am not working at the moment following 'burnout' until April I was CEO of a charity, working long hours plus driving 100s of miles each week up and down the A12 to commute to my office. Reluctantly I had to leave; I spent 3 months transitioning the charity to a sustainable place. It was very hard, (more difficult than my divorce) my life and identity was wrapped up in the charity that I started 10 years ago but I recognised I couldn't maintain working at that level indefinitely.
I am planning an extended trip to Thailand for 4-5 weeks in October. The majority of the time will be spent at a mindfulness/recovery retreat. I've experienced many significant life changes this past year and feel this trip is important for my emotional and physical well being. I recognise that the time to make Healthy changes is now rather than wait til I get to Thailand. I am also concerned that I will struggle physically with the huge change from my current sedentary lifestyle. I know I need to do some preparation but am at a loss to know where to start? I know I need expert support and advice.
I am not working at the moment following 'burnout' until April I was CEO of a charity, working long hours plus driving 100s of miles each week up and down the A12 to commute to my office. Reluctantly I had to leave; I spent 3 months transitioning the charity to a sustainable place. It was very hard, (more difficult than my divorce) my life and identity was wrapped up in the charity that I started 10 years ago but I recognised I couldn't maintain working at that level indefinitely.
I am planning an extended trip to Thailand for 4-5 weeks in October. The majority of the time will be spent at a mindfulness/recovery retreat. I've experienced many significant life changes this past year and feel this trip is important for my emotional and physical well being. I recognise that the time to make Healthy changes is now rather than wait til I get to Thailand. I am also concerned that I will struggle physically with the huge change from my current sedentary lifestyle. I know I need to do some preparation but am at a loss to know where to start? I know I need expert support and advice.
I am grateful that Angela took on the
challenge! We met soon after at my home when I had to complete an extensive
lifestyle/history questionnaire and discussed my goals etc. The following week
on Thursday 28th August I met her at the Gym for a gruelling hour; I
thought I would die right there and then! I could barely walk when I left, I
hurt so badly and carried on hurting for days, I had another session booked the
following Tuesday which I cancelled because I was so sore and was concerned how
I would manage a trip to Dublin a couple of days later if I couldn’t walk!
Angela sent through some scary numbers, weight, BMI, body fat and visceral fat readings. It didn’t take a genius
to work out that I was too heavy for my 5’2” frame and my fitness levels were
too low....
Dublin
was amazing; I watched what I ate and walked (strolled) for miles around the
City. During my time away I was mindful not of the scary numbers but they way
I’d felt after just one gym session, bloody terrible, unfit and way older than
my 52 years! But Angela had convinced me that I could improve; she had asked me
what would get in my way? My response was only me! I could come up with a dozen
excuses but I wouldn’t, I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. So after Dublin
I got serious, starting most days with a walk, kept an eye and recorded
everything I ate and within a month I received this message from Angela....
It has been a pleasure working with you so far, and seeing the big improvements. To go from where you were, to where you are now takes courage, and the improvements are there in the results you have already achieved.
I will spare you (and me) the scary numbers but my weight has dropped by 6.8 kilos which is just over a stone and on the walking test I have more than doubled my fitness level in 4 weeks!!! Yay!!
What
is most amazing is that I am loving it! Getting out in the morning
listening to great music while I pound the pavements, I’m not going to lie, I
get out of breath, my legs ache, they burn and it feels like torture coming up
the hill but I keep going one step in front of the other, as I do I visualise
all the muscles cheering me on, thanking me for finally giving them the care,
nurturing and exercise they need to do their job effectively! This is truly
loving myself, taking care of my body so that I will be around for a long time
to come!
I
am a great believer that when you are ready the right teacher will appear, for
me her name is Angela (that name is no coincidence!). It really does work when
you work it and with her help I am a little fitter and better equipped for
Thailand. More importantly, having inspired me to take control of this
neglected area of my life, I am determine that this will be for the rest
of my time on this planet!
Anne
xx (4 sleeps to go!)
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