Number 3...

Tuesday 7th Oct 20.30

Heathrow to Bangkok... The flight.

It's been so long since I flew long haul I'd forgotten what a more civilised way to travel it is... A world of difference to the cattle trucks of Easyjet, Ryan Air et al... Even economy class on Thai Airlines has more leg room, little pillows and warm fleecy blankets, lots of interactive TV, movies and games, drinks on tap and lots of little snacks and meals on a tray with cute tiny containers containing lots of tasty things to eat.... I was v fortunate to have a row of three seats to myself, the plane wasn't full so lots of space for people to spread out, no one to disturb for my frequent loo breaks coz of copious amounts of water I was drinking (just had one tiny glass of red wine with dinner)... The staff were all beautiful, not just the women, and very smiling and courteous.

I watched 2 movies, Noah and Blended, have to say I enjoyed the second one more I had a silly grin on my face practically throughout... Rom com, Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, and guess what? Yep, they all lived happily ever after! Predictable light hearted and fun!

About 8 hours into the journey, flying over India, the lights were very dim, most people seemed to be sleeping, I was listening to "relaxation piano tunes" on the headphones, the music of James Taylor and I started to cry..... Not tears of sadness, fear or anxiety, they flowed down my cheeks, I was grateful for the darkness.... It took a while to process why? I wondered if being high in the clouds meant I felt closer to Heaven and my Higher power? Being in that womb like environment I suddenly felt conscious of my "inner child" that little girl I've carried in my heart always but whose needs until recently been ignored... She had stayed a little broken because of difficulties during childhood and despite many many hours of various kinds of therapy, workshops, dozens of self help books, pain and prayer over the years, it was at that moment she (my little Annie) felted heard and loved.... Yay! The tears were of gratitude, full of love and the outcome of this adventure isn't as important as the intention to heal, listen and love her to complete wholeness...  My fragmented heart was being healed, all the c**p that has happened, particularly this past year, which at times felt impossible to recover from, was being soothed and loved to completeness... I could visualise it and it was like the CGI effects at the beginning of the movie Noah... Wow!

Ok... I did warn you there would be deepness! Lol!

What a profound experience and one I was only now truly ready for.... The reason for my journey to a "recovery" retreat revealed... In a sense I guess a lot of the work was done in the clouds before the plane landed.... Although I suspect that was the peeling of the first layer of this onion.....

Now before u think I have lost my mind, or indeed the last couple of paragraphs confirms what u aways believed.... That's absolutely fine.... I'm am attempting to "live" all those quotes that I constantly post on Facebook! It's quite easy to read something, like and share on your timeline, but it's quite something else to endeavour to live them... Not just talking the talk also walking the walk... I could edit out the parts that may make "uncomfortable" reading. But I choose not to... This is authentic Anne, as I said before you have the delete button! If it does make u feel uncomfortable (not my intention) then perhaps you could ask yourself why??

I find it so interesting that some peoples perception of me is that I am "brave".... My first day here and following the women's circle group, it was said again... All I did was speak from my heart or "waffle" as I usually call it! How is that brave? To speak my truth? It feels easier that to pretend or lie....Although I know while we all say we want honesty, we rarely want to hear the complete truth... Especially if we ask "does my bum look big in this?" A question I never ask coz I know mine is! Lol...

My next entry will be about this amazing place, which is everything I could have hoped for and more..... I do hope you stay with me.... Hopefully it will also include pics if I can work the technology!

If u got to the end, thank you xx